I remember when I was a kid, watching television shows and movies, and getting SO frustrated with the characters. Why don’t they just EXPLAIN what happened? Being the viewer, I could see what the truth was. And how and why it was misperceived. Of course, the character never explained, and eventually the truth would come out from another source. Which would cause the overly judgemental, angry, jumped-to-conclusions, character to see the truth and then understand. Happy endings for all!
Of course, I felt they could avoid the entire confrontation part of things if they would just talk and explain things. (But I guess then their wouldn’t be much of a story). Why didn’t they though? Why do adults always just let people believe things that are WRONG. Why don’t they ever correct it? Don’t they want people to know the truth?
Then adulthood came. Ah. Now I understand.
You see, I have the big picture view of my life. I understand, not only what my problems are, but why they are problems, and what has and has not worked for me in the past. But these other characters in my life are just passing through. And I cannot explain every aspect to them. Some really want to know. Most do not. Most already have the “you should just” , “why don’t you just” , “I would just” , “I don’t understand why you don’t just” mentality.
So what do I do? Try each and every time to explain myself? Do you know anyone who does this? They sound like they’re constantly making excuses for themselves and their obvious bad choices. Because if they would do it the “right way” they would not be struggling. They must love turmoil and problems.
I’ve often caught myself trying to explain why I made one choice or another. I’m shut down every time. And it usually ends with me saying, “you know, you’re right! I should try that next time!” Because that’s all they wanted. They don’t want to know you’re ok. They don’t want to understand how you got where you are. They don’t have love, compassion, or any sort of empathy. They have judgement and a sick superiority complex where they HONESTLY believe they just have so much more wisdom or life insight than you do. So trying to explain yourself just looks like justifications or excuses. And agreeing with them pets their obviously overgrown ego. They get to feel that they finally got through to you and your simple mind.
So that’s why grownups don’t waste their time. All we can hope is that (like in the movies) there is a moment where the truth is reveled. Or that the other person faces similar experiences and has a moment of clarity and understanding. A humbling moment that leads to an apology for harsh treatment or condescending, hurtful words. But that just happens in the movies. This is the real world, so I’m not holding my breath.
thatbethy 