Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds: Back to School: The 70s vs. Today, A Lot has Changed:
http://widelawns.blogspot.com/2014/08/back-to-school-70s-vs-today-lot-has.html?m=1
This blog had me giggling to myself. It was predictable, but pleasantly so. I decided to add to it. I want to give my ADHD back to school response. Anyone who is “Shiny”, as we call it in the ADHD community, knows what an absurdly trying task getting our little ones off to school in this day of age is.
1. Two weeks before school starts, realize the fast approaching date, but refuse to think about it. Make sure that anytime your children bring it up, silence them immediately. Tell them you have plenty of time, and to not worry about it.
2. Tell yourself, and your children you will begin adjusting to the school year schedule by early bedtimes and more structure. Then decide to stay up late with them watching Frozen again, because it’s still summer and you can go to bed early tomorrow night.
3. About a week before school starts, pick up the packets. Whine and cry about it to everyone.
4. Decide you need to sort everything in your house this week to get ready. Do all the laundry, but leave it in a heap on the couch. Make sure to walk carefully around all piles of paperwork that are “almost done” being sorted. And keep the toy room door closed so the kids don’t accidentally mix your sorted piles in with the not sorted piles. Don’t actually finish any of these started tasks. Instead, decide to organize your nail polishes or clean out your email inbox.
5. The day before school starts, realize you haven’t purchased any supplies. Try to remember what you bought on clearance last year, and where you put it. Realize you have no idea, and head to the store. Once at the store, remember you have ADHD and you cannot do hardcore, specific, shopping with small children there and leave the store.
6. Tell the kids that bedtime is at 8. Then pace around the house (but never actually do anything) until 8:05, then realize you can’t remember the last time your kids had a bath. Start baths, and finally at about 9:15, get them in bed.
7. Talk to your significant other for at leat an hour about how much you dislike back to school, how unprepared you are, and tell him you need to go to the store still. Start to grab your purse, then, talk to your significant other for another hour about how next year you’re going to plan better and not be so overwhelmed.
8. Finally go to the store. Look through the very specific, very long, list of needs. Make sure to only do one kid at a time. So that you have to revisit each aisle at least 3-10 times.
9. Now, feeling relieved, head to the check out. Then remember you have no food for lunches. Grab a loaf of the closest bread, a package of cheap bologna, a bag of apples, and the cheapest juice boxes you can find. Now you can leave.
10. Unload all the newly purchased items and sit on the floor with a bag and a sharpie.
11. Make a pile for each kid. Then open every item and write their name on them. (On the items you don’t know if they are supposed to be labeled, because you lost that sheet that tells you, just put initials…so they’re easier to skribble out). Make sure to be quiet now, because it’s 3am and everyone’s sleeping. But Shhhing the cat is fine. Because she keeps knocking over everthing and trying to play with the bags and trash.
12. At 4 am, feel accomplished. Crack open a beer. Then, remember you never washed the new clothes or underpants the kids want to wear in the morning. Start a load and sit on social media (probably your ADHD support group, since theyre all still up too) and wait. At 5am, put the clothes in the dryer and head to bed.
13. Wake up late, frantically yell at the kids, and manage to get all of them and their bags in the car. Start your commute, and breathe. Then notice your 7 year old didn’t brush her hair. And when your 9 year old smiles, ask her if she brushed her teeth. She didn’t. Look for a tissue and realize there are none. Take a piece of paper and crumple it up. Hand it to her and tell her to scrap her teeth. Then spray her mouth with Listerine spray and tell her you don’t care if it’s gross, maybe next time she’ll brush before she leaves.
12. Get to the school 3 min before it starts. Rush in, and wait as each kid uses the potty before you head to the class. Then make sure to very loudly bang into the door on your way into the classroom, and interrupt the teacher’s welcome speech. Try to sneak a pic of your child at their desk, but only receive a “hurry up” look.
13. Drive home, set an alarm for the afternoon, cry a little out of shear exhaustion, and pass out.
thatbethy 