My brother and sister are 15 years old. For those of you with teenagers, I’m sure your mind can instantly picture what this is like. For those of you without teenagers, I highly recommend making a friend that has teenage children. Just sit and observe. It’s an odd combination of complete frustration, and reminiscent understanding. At one moment I want to hug them and say, “It’s ok! This is a horrible time that we all had to endure. You’re doing great.” And then the next moment I want to yell at them, “Seriously? Calm the frick down you unstable, hormonal, crazy teenager!”
So I’ve been thinking about what I wish I knew as a teenager. Of course, I most likely would have dismissed any advice given, but I want to throw this out there anyways. It’s an odd thing to be an adolescent. I remember thinking, “I’m not stupid. I know I don’t know everything. It’s so insulting that adults always joke about how teenagers think they know everything.” I felt so miniscule compared to the rest of the world. And I KNEW I had so much to learn. But that stereotype of the all knowing teen still stands strong. As a now 30 year old, I sit contemplating how you can know you know nothing, and still be seen as a know it all.
The humility was lacking. Not that I was over cocky, I just lacked the experience of life. The moment I realized this, was my junior year in high school. I went with a group to Juarez, Mexico over Christmas. The poverty was something I had never seen before. I realized how little I knew about the world, and myself. After returning, I remember feeling frustrated with my peers. I wanted to change the world, and believed I could. See, that’s the great thing about the youth and young adults. They have passion without having life beat the shit out of them yet.
I want to give a list of things that are kickass about being an adult. Things for these teens to remember when their life seems so short sighted.
1) You can be a nerd. And I don’t mean just about education. About anything. That thing you love, that you down play now so you don’t get teased? Yeah. You get to own that shit. You like plants? Awesome! Comic books? Sweet! Sports? Wonderful! Grown ups don’t care. And you don’t have to pretend you like stuff you don’t anymore. If a friend starts talking about how amazing the engine in their car is, you’re allowed to appreciate their passion, but not feel obligated to like it as well. It’s great.
2) You don’t feel the need to explain every single angle of your argument. You share your thoughts, and if they’re not received as right, you can just be done! You don’t feel then need to make anyone understand. I love this. Very soon into a debate I can see if it is a constructive one. If not, I walk away! Do they think they won the argument? I don’t care! It doesn’t matter! It’s so great not approaching topics with a win/lose thought process.
3) Your parents get to be your friends. I know this may sound like a punishment to a teen, but trust me, it’s great. You will start to want to talk to them about stuff, and hear about their experiences. It’s like finding that the map for life was in your hands the whole time, you were just looking at the wrong side. Flip that shit over and breathe a sigh of relief!
4) Being bored is a treat. It means all the nagging responsibilities of adulthood are taken care of. And you know how to take care of the boredom. It’s exciting when you realize, Yay! Now I get to (insert any hobbie. Most likely something related to your nerdiness mentioned in #1).
5) You’re allowed to mess up. Seriously. You’re allowed to make poor choices. I don’t recommend it, but you will survive it. And you will realize how many other adults have fucked up too. They come out of the woodwork. As long as you’re honest about it, and take responsibility, most grown ups just see it as being human! You’re human! Your life will carry on!
Now, I know there are some great things about being a teen as well. So don’t wish away your youth. Here are some things you will miss as an adult.
1) The passion and excitement. While I still find certain things get me motivated, I have lost a lot of my vigor for certain causes. Embrace it now. Before you have bills and children and all the other mundane grown up crap. Save the animals. Do mission work. Get involved with your community. Tutor the young. You’ll still be able to do this as an adult, but it’s different. You won’t be able to throw your whole heart into it.
2) Travel. Any trip you can take, take it. Make memories with your peers. That life experience you lack? This is where you start to obtain it.
3) Write it down. All of it. Everything. Your thoughts, your experiences, your frustrations, and your ideas. You won’t have time later to write as much as you’d like, and you will forget. Writing it down will give you something many don’t have. The ability to see your growth as a person entering adulthood.
4) Take any classes you can. The sadness I have for not taking advantage of the education I was offered lingers with me. There will not be another time in your life you’re allowed to JUST learn. As an adult, we actually have to sacrifice other aspects of our life to obtain an education. Do it now. Before you have a full time job, and family, and a mortgage. All classes. Literature, art, science, language…any and all you can find.
5) Be with your friends as much as you can. There will come a day that you will realize you haven’t seen your best friend in months. You will have to schedule lunch or just send them a message. It’s a sad reality of adulthood.
6) Laugh when people try to put you down for being a teen. They may not admit it, but they were there too. Just know, this is such a short time in life. You don’t have to feel ashamed of your lack of wisdom. Acknowledge you don’t have a freaking clue, and know someday you will. Let go of the frustration and be content with the part of life you are currently in.
So to all the teens out there, you annoy me. Not because I don’t know what you feel or think (it’s almost painful how much I feel your feelings and know your thoughts), but because I wish I would have been ok with myself back then. I want to take you and open your eyes to all you have in front of you. I want to go back and tell teenage Beth that I didn’t need to get mad at myself and that I wasn’t alone. You will hear these words time and time again. Just smile, and be ok with it. You’ll get where you need to be.
thatbethy 