I am a career procrastinator. It comes so naturally, I can do it without even trying. A talent really.
Now let me clarify. I’m not lazy (though I do quite enjoy laying around all day in my sweats finishing off cold pizza from the night before). I procrastinate. While some may argue they are the same (or go hand in hand) I do not believe it to be true.
“Well Bethy! Enlighten us on the difference between, and please elaborate on how you have come to such a conclusion!”
If you insist!
Sundays are my only day off. (While I also do not work Mondays, I refuse to call it my day off because I have to take children to school. Any day you have to set an alarm and have scheduled tasks is NOT a day off. I digress.) Having only one day to be at home to do chores, organize paperwork, work my budget, etc, usually ends the same way. 9:00pm I’m frantically trying to get all that stuff done I wanted to do and didn’t.
So what do I do all day? Well, depends on what I WANTED to get done. Yesterday, I wanted to clean the kitchen. That’s all. That was my big chore. So what did I do? I called to different honeymoon destinations to get quotes. I cleaned the living room. I shaved my legs. I started a Pinterest account. I organized some wedding stuff. I cut my kids fingernails. I cleaned the tub…..I definitely wasn’t lazy.
But there I was. Almost bedtime and I hadn’t even started the kitchen. So I geared myself up, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned off the table, cleaned the floor, organized the mail….and I realized, I was actually procrastinating within my already procrastinated chore. The whole reason I wanted to do the kitchen, was the dishes. (I told you I’m a natural)
So, there they sit. Still not done. Why do I do this to myself? Wouldn’t it be easier to just get it over with? Where does one learn to procrastinate? Whenever we have these moments we start asking these questions, we must have a movie style flashback to our childhood or teenage years. So, join me for my flashback!
It was the fall of 1999. I had chosen a book for English called The Poisonwood Bible to read. Of course, I put this off until the day before it was due. After school, I cracked that book open for the first time. Oh. Shit. I was hoping the thickness was due to large font. But, I am Beth! I’ll get it done. So I spent the entire night reading. I don’t mean until bedtime. I mean the ENTIRE night. By 7:00am I finally finished. English was right after lunch. So I spent all morning doing my note cards for the book (very cleverly using different pens and dating different dates since this was supposed to be done over a period of time).
English came. I handed in my note cards, and wrote my paper. Phew! I did it! Then, I cried out of sheer exhaustion.
So if this were a movie flashback, what would you learn about the character? Well, it would show how well she worked under pressure. I thrived under stress. To the point I honestly feel I was self sabotaging to put myself into those high stress situations. My best work always came from intense, last minute, hurried circumstances. My focus was dead on. Nothing could pull me from my task. And for someone with ADHD, this felt amazing.
So where does that leave me now? Have I lost my pazzaz? My flair for flourishing when the heat is on?? Yes. I have. It’s called getting old.
I cannot block out the world or pull all nighters. I have children and work. We all know life is a growing experience. And this is one area I never quite grew out of, or adjusted for adult life. I would just get tired, and quit. I have spent the last couple years feeling as if I’m in a constant state of defeat.
So my next adventure begins. I will now try to find the adult way of positive procrastination. How to channel this aspect of my nature into something beneficial, because all it’s doing now is giving me (and my tired, rickety body) anxiety. I’m sure there’s a way! I’m still the master of procrastination, for goodness sake, I just spent 30 min writing this post instead of making dinner. I just need to figure out what to do with it 🙂
thatbethy 