Tag: doctors

Selfishness Would be an Improvement

I have written about poverty before. I have touched on many aspects of it. With elections looming over us, I feel compelled to talk about healthcare.

Healthcare. What an odd word/topic to provoke such defensive emotions. You say healthcare, and half the people grab their mental picketing signs, reading “healthcare for all” and the other half grab their mental pitchforks and torches, chanting “down with socialism!” Healthcare guys. The argument that has people in an upheaval is whether or not people deserve healthcare. And the oddest part is, every single person I’ve ever talked to about it, agrees our healthcare system is broken. Every. Single. Person. We all agree on that.

It’s no secret my stance is, healthcare for all. So, like every topic that brings about disagreement, I listen to the other side and try to understand the why. Why are people against it? Why are people so dead set against equality in healthcare? I used to be a conservative Republican. So I search my old arsenal of debates from years ago. I read the posts by my conservative friends.

“I have to pay $____. How is that fair people that don’t work hard get it for free?”

“Socialism is communism for slow learners”

“If you reward those who don’t work for things, they will become dependent”

“If you want healthcare, work hard like the rest of us and buy it yourself. I shouldn’t have to pay for your laziness”

“Where are we going to get the money for it?”

“You shouldn’t let the government have control of your healthcare”

“Other countries who have universal healthcare are shitholes and the wait times/care is horrible”

So I’ve been thinking about all the reasons not to have universal healthcare. Some of the reasons given are just ignorant. It has been proven that universal healthcare would be cheaper than what we have now. It has been proven that other countries have less wait times and better care. We all know that we have many socialist programs already, and that socialism is not communism. So what are we left with. We are left with the fear of things being unfair, and lazy people taking advantage.

I hate the “it’s not fair!” arguement. I have to hear that shit all day long with my kids, so you would think a bunch of adults would have figured this out by now. But, fine. I’ll bite.

I am going to tell you something I tell my kids all the time. Fair doesn’t always mean same. I once worked at a grocery store with a guy who did not have function of this left arm. Due to this, he was only scheduled on lanes where his right arm could grab the groceries. Was that fair that the rest of us got put wherever, while he got first pick of the lanes? YES. It was fair. Not the same, but definitely fair. Sometimes people need things others don’t to be able to start at the same level. My daughter listens to audiobooks because reading words alone leaves her not able to comprehend what she read. Is it fair that I spend time and money on audio learning when I didn’t with my others? YES IT IS. Because she has a need they didn’t.

So don’t start that unfair bullshit. Some people have heart conditions. Some people have diabetes. Some people have absolutely not underlying medical issues. The amount of access isn’t what we should be measuring for “fairness”. The fairness meter should be measuring how our fellow Americans are left after care. And if they are left with not being cared for, long term (avoidable) issues due to medical neglect, bankrupt or barely able to afford care, etc, then THAT’S not “fair”.

As for the laziness part. Man. This is it. This is what it all comes down to. Conservatives don’t want a bunch of poor, lazy, freeloaders having access to stuff they pay for through taxes. All the other reasons are extensions of this one thing. They don’t want to pay for the poor, because the poor can’t/won’t pay them back in any way.

I hear all the time that this administration, and it’s supporters, are selfish. And I believed that too for a long time. But the thing that kept nagging at my brain was, if they were ACTUALLY selfish, wouldn’t they want people well? Wouldn’t they want to make sure that they were not put in danger of sickness due to the the poor? Wouldn’t they want to save money through universal healthcare? They are not selfish. They are punitive. They want the poor to suffer because they believe it is deserved. The value of life does not extend to those who don’t contribute.

I have spoke about this before. So many don’t want to believe that poverty happens to people that don’t deserve it. They cling to this belief that poverty is something that happens to the lazy. To degenerates. To sinners. Because, if they admitted that poverty happens to hard workers, to the disabled, to good people, they would also have to admit they sat by and let people suffer for no reason except their own superiority complex. They HAVE to believe that the suffering of the poor is “tough love”. That the only way to “teach” the poor to not be poor, is to make it hard on them, lest they will continue to need stuff and never learn to not be poor.

What is that shit? They don’t want people over using healthcare. Like it’s some kind of secret wealth that the poor will hoard. “They will become dependent” GOOD. For goodness sake. The poor have enough obstacles in life, let them know that they can get a freaking antibiotic for their sinus infection on a whim. Let them get that rash looked at before it spreads to their face. Let them get their tooth fixed before it needs to be pulled out. LET THEM. We already know it will be cheaper than what we have set up now. Why are you so dead set on letting peoples bodies fall apart? Why do people need to suffer for years for things they could have treatment for? Why? Because the poor are not seen as equal. Because the poor DESERVE their suffering.

I wish it was just selfishness. I wish that we didn’t have so many hateful, self righteous people spewing misinformation to keep the weakest in our country in the chains of poverty. I wish the outrage for someone “using” healthcare on their dime, was instead directed at the companies profiting off of the sick and dying. Healthcare shouldn’t be a word that is dividing us. Healthcare should be a unifying word that every single one of us stands together on. Healthcare should not be political. Every person that wants to deny someone medical treatment due to their financial status is a disgusting, classist, cancer of our society. Do not tell me you are Christian. Do not tell me you care about people. Do not tell me you are for equal rights. Do not tell me anything. If you are fighting against the simplest, most obtainable way to help the weak in our society, you do not care about people. You care about justifying your oppressive, superiority complex in the name of a distorted view of “fairness”.

How a Celebrity Can Make a Lady Cry

A year ago, I sat crying, absolutely stunned to hear that Robin Williams had taken his life. It was surreal. I had never cried over a celebrity before. I mean, there were others I had felt heartbroken about passing, and even ones that stopped me in my tracks with the shock of the news. But tears of grief, to me, we’re saved for losing my loved ones. Robin Williams. Dead. It shook me. I felt like he WAS one of my loved ones. I sat with my (then) fiancé, and talked about him for hours. I kept saying, “He wouldn’t have done this if he knew how much he was loved! How could he not know? How could someone that amazing not see all he did for people??”

Here’s the thing. I saw so much of myself in him, I KNEW I was going to meet him. I knew he would get me. I’m not delusional, I know I’m a single mom of 3 kids. But there was a part of me that thought, the universe will definitely throw us together at some point. It had to! People like us are magnets. We find eachother.

I was surprised with myself. All the stages of grief so prevalent. I have never met this man, and I am by no means a superfan. I haven’t seen half the movies he was in. I wanted to write about him. I wanted to write about all the inspiration he gave me, all the wisdom, all the life changing things he did for me. But I had nothing to say. So many others could articulate who he was, what he did, and what he left behind, so much better than I ever could. He was just a guy I heard about, liked, admired, and was excited for the day I would be able to meet him.

“Wow Bethy. This is a great post about someone you didn’t know dying, and how you were sad.” Of course, there is more. (C’mon, there is always more.)

Robin Williams dying was months before my dad and brother died. I was in a wonderfully awesome point in life. Work was great. Summer was spectacular. Life was good. His death stopped me in my tracks. I knew depression. I had felt hopelessness. My stomach turned at the thought of how he felt in his last moments. I thought about when I was that low. When I planned my own suicide. I knew how I was going to do it. I knew when I wanted to do it. I even had written a few notes. Do you want to know why I didn’t do it? It wasn’t for me. It wasn’t that I woke up one day and got motivated to “improve my life”. It was because I knew I was needed. I knew I was all my daughters had. I couldn’t give them that grief on top of everything else. So, I made an agreement with myself. I would raise them, and then have an accident. I would just wait it out.

Who thinks like that? My mind was made up. I was a shell of a person. People would tell me what a great mother I was. How strong I was. What an inspiration I was. I would smile and say thanks. They were empty words. My life was a waste. I had no purpose. My vision of myself had turned from passion and excitement, to despair and regret.  There were no words that could snap me out of it. I was a joke to most, and a burden to the rest. Then, my mom looked at me and said, “You need to get your shit together. You have 3 little girls looking to you. You cannot abandon them.”

That’s when I realized, I can’t just survive long enough. They are watching me. While I sit on the couch, staring at the wall. While I cry and just let them run around the house making messes. When I say no to going to the park because I’m too tired to even move. They are watching, and waiting to know what to do. So, I went to my doctor.

So back to Robin Williams. He took his life. Something in him said, “All those people that are telling you that you are great are lying. No one needs you. You are wasting space. You’re just surviving life, and you are a shell of a person.” Because that’s what depression tells you. You see the life you live. You think about how you got there. You wonder how different it could be “if…” And then you realize this isn’t the life you’d thought you would have and give up.

I went to my doctor. I was open to antidepressants, and asked my doctor to just fix me. My doctor decided to check my vitamin levels and found I was completely deficient on D3. Within a week of taking her recommend dose, I was feeling like me again. I almost killed myself because Michigan doesn’t get enough sunlight. My kids almost lost their mother, because I didn’t want to bother a doctor with my problems. My parents almost had to bury their daughter, because I was missing a vitamin….a VITAMIN. I owe my life to that woman.

If you know anyone that is depressed, your “positive words” won’t help. Your avoiding them, will make it worse. You need to tell them, “You are needed. You need to get your shit together. Let’s get you help.” I am thankful for my mom, my daughters, and for the doctor who helped me. We all hear that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. But that’s the thing, when you’re faced with it, it seems like the most generous thing you can do.