I want to tell a story.
A few years back, on Halloween, I went to a costume party with my sister, I dressed up as a Marvel character. We met my mom and step dad there. It was a BLAST. I drove and the plan was that my mom, who wasn’t drinking, or my sister were going to drive me. The plans were vague, but we knew we would figure out a safe way home. No biggie.
One of the best Halloween Parties I’ve ever been too. And I am glad for that. It was the last time we all went out with Dad before he died. It was adorable to watch him watch Mom. Just love and awe as he watched her dance with her girlfriends. Of course my sister and I took turns buying him shots of Crown, and tried to get him out there dancing with her.
Just all around a great night.
Then I ran into someone who recognized me from a play I was in. We started talking and laughing. I was DRUNK. Everyone was my friend and great. Everything was great. But I was getting tired. I better find my family.
They were gone. I grabbed my dying phone and tried to call. Straight to voicemail. Panic starts to set in a bit as I look around for anyone I know.
A guy approaches and starts to talk to me. I smile and try to keep my level of drunkness at bay. Then a couple of his friends walk up. They all start talking to me. The first guy asks if I want to go to a party with them. I feel my stomach drop. The bar lights are on. There is only a few ppl left and I don’t know any of them. I don’t know what to do.
You know that “gut feeling” we are always told to listen to? Mine was saying run. Get. Out. Now. I was absolutely terrified that these 5-6 were guys going to rape me. I told him I couldn’t, but thanks for the invite! He was not taking no for an answer. He wouldn’t leave me alone and kept getting closer. All of them were around me. Finally I said, I would go. I faked a laugh and asked where it was at. “Oh, we’ll drive you. Don’t worry about it.” I HAD to get away. I agreed and leaned against the wall. The main guy told me he needed to go to the bathroom and then we would leave. He turned and I ran.
I ran to my car quicker than I’ve ever ran. I started it and left the bar. I started to cry. Why the fuck am I driving. I am going to go to jail. I would be so mad at any friend driving drunk. Maybe I over reacted? I shouldn’t be driving. If I get pulled over they won’t care that I was stuck. What if they raped Me? I shouldn’t have dressed as Domino. I need to park my car. But they saw this car. Where can I go? I need to go somewhere public. A gas station.
I pulled into a gas station. Turned off my car, threw my keys on the seat, locked the doors, texted my (then) fiance where I was and closed my eyes, still shaking. I slept there for about an hour.
Officer: Knock-knock-knock “Ma’am? Are you alright?”
Me: Yes I am fine. Thank you.
Officer: I need you to come inside.
I spent the next hour and half with this man drilling me. I was cooperative. I told him I was drunk. I had friends that cared about me. My fiance would be stopping here in the morning to give me a ride home, so this was a safe place for me to sleep. I thanked him for his concern. And agreed to wait inside for my fiance. At this point my phone had died and I told him I just had to wait I couldn’t call him.
He had me call him from his phone. I called my fiance and explained that I’m not safe to drive, I was sleeping, they were concerned about me sleeping in my car, and he had to come get me. This seemed to appease the officer. So I thanked him again, he left, and it went into the bathroom to wash the Halloween makeup off my face.
When I came out he was there again. He wanted me to take a breathalyzer test. At this point I am feeling harassed. And I told him so. I did not deny my alcohol consumption. I came in and I called. I did everything he asked. I was not belligerent or uncooperative. So I asked him why he wanted a breathalyzer after all of that.
He could have asked at any point. Why did he leave and come back to ask me for one? He said he just wanted one and I had to do it. I told him no. I did not have to do it and, because I was intoxicated, I did not feel comfortable having any more interactions with him without my fiance or a lawyer present.
I was terrified. This was one of the scariest nights of my life. Everytime I think about that night and makes me sick to my stomach. It was such a great night. Then, it wasn’t. I think about all that could have happened. What if I decided to do the right thing and not drive? And those guys took me? What if I fell asleep on the road or hit someone? What if I did do the breathalyzer? What if the officer decided to arrest me?
I’ve only told a couple people about this night. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. Everytime I think about that night I am affirmed in my mind that I did the right thing. But I still feel so hurt and angry about it.
When I hear stories about women being assaulted and the defense being that the woman was dressed provocatively, I realize how close I was to being that woman. Would these men have gotten away with it because I was in a Domino costume? Because I was drunk? Why is my only option in the situation to break the law or potentially be raped?
I went out for a night of drinking and dancing with my family. One little misunderstanding about rides could have potentially changed my entire life.
I don’t know why I wanted to share this. I guess I just feel like people should know that even if you plan and do everything right things can change very quickly.
And that it really sucks that as women, we have lingering fear of harm and guilt of pleasure with everything we do. That those men could have been excused due to intoxication and poor judgement while I would be blamed because of the same things.
thatbethy 