Tag: inequality

Selfishness Would be an Improvement

I have written about poverty before. I have touched on many aspects of it. With elections looming over us, I feel compelled to talk about healthcare.

Healthcare. What an odd word/topic to provoke such defensive emotions. You say healthcare, and half the people grab their mental picketing signs, reading “healthcare for all” and the other half grab their mental pitchforks and torches, chanting “down with socialism!” Healthcare guys. The argument that has people in an upheaval is whether or not people deserve healthcare. And the oddest part is, every single person I’ve ever talked to about it, agrees our healthcare system is broken. Every. Single. Person. We all agree on that.

It’s no secret my stance is, healthcare for all. So, like every topic that brings about disagreement, I listen to the other side and try to understand the why. Why are people against it? Why are people so dead set against equality in healthcare? I used to be a conservative Republican. So I search my old arsenal of debates from years ago. I read the posts by my conservative friends.

“I have to pay $____. How is that fair people that don’t work hard get it for free?”

“Socialism is communism for slow learners”

“If you reward those who don’t work for things, they will become dependent”

“If you want healthcare, work hard like the rest of us and buy it yourself. I shouldn’t have to pay for your laziness”

“Where are we going to get the money for it?”

“You shouldn’t let the government have control of your healthcare”

“Other countries who have universal healthcare are shitholes and the wait times/care is horrible”

So I’ve been thinking about all the reasons not to have universal healthcare. Some of the reasons given are just ignorant. It has been proven that universal healthcare would be cheaper than what we have now. It has been proven that other countries have less wait times and better care. We all know that we have many socialist programs already, and that socialism is not communism. So what are we left with. We are left with the fear of things being unfair, and lazy people taking advantage.

I hate the “it’s not fair!” arguement. I have to hear that shit all day long with my kids, so you would think a bunch of adults would have figured this out by now. But, fine. I’ll bite.

I am going to tell you something I tell my kids all the time. Fair doesn’t always mean same. I once worked at a grocery store with a guy who did not have function of this left arm. Due to this, he was only scheduled on lanes where his right arm could grab the groceries. Was that fair that the rest of us got put wherever, while he got first pick of the lanes? YES. It was fair. Not the same, but definitely fair. Sometimes people need things others don’t to be able to start at the same level. My daughter listens to audiobooks because reading words alone leaves her not able to comprehend what she read. Is it fair that I spend time and money on audio learning when I didn’t with my others? YES IT IS. Because she has a need they didn’t.

So don’t start that unfair bullshit. Some people have heart conditions. Some people have diabetes. Some people have absolutely not underlying medical issues. The amount of access isn’t what we should be measuring for “fairness”. The fairness meter should be measuring how our fellow Americans are left after care. And if they are left with not being cared for, long term (avoidable) issues due to medical neglect, bankrupt or barely able to afford care, etc, then THAT’S not “fair”.

As for the laziness part. Man. This is it. This is what it all comes down to. Conservatives don’t want a bunch of poor, lazy, freeloaders having access to stuff they pay for through taxes. All the other reasons are extensions of this one thing. They don’t want to pay for the poor, because the poor can’t/won’t pay them back in any way.

I hear all the time that this administration, and it’s supporters, are selfish. And I believed that too for a long time. But the thing that kept nagging at my brain was, if they were ACTUALLY selfish, wouldn’t they want people well? Wouldn’t they want to make sure that they were not put in danger of sickness due to the the poor? Wouldn’t they want to save money through universal healthcare? They are not selfish. They are punitive. They want the poor to suffer because they believe it is deserved. The value of life does not extend to those who don’t contribute.

I have spoke about this before. So many don’t want to believe that poverty happens to people that don’t deserve it. They cling to this belief that poverty is something that happens to the lazy. To degenerates. To sinners. Because, if they admitted that poverty happens to hard workers, to the disabled, to good people, they would also have to admit they sat by and let people suffer for no reason except their own superiority complex. They HAVE to believe that the suffering of the poor is “tough love”. That the only way to “teach” the poor to not be poor, is to make it hard on them, lest they will continue to need stuff and never learn to not be poor.

What is that shit? They don’t want people over using healthcare. Like it’s some kind of secret wealth that the poor will hoard. “They will become dependent” GOOD. For goodness sake. The poor have enough obstacles in life, let them know that they can get a freaking antibiotic for their sinus infection on a whim. Let them get that rash looked at before it spreads to their face. Let them get their tooth fixed before it needs to be pulled out. LET THEM. We already know it will be cheaper than what we have set up now. Why are you so dead set on letting peoples bodies fall apart? Why do people need to suffer for years for things they could have treatment for? Why? Because the poor are not seen as equal. Because the poor DESERVE their suffering.

I wish it was just selfishness. I wish that we didn’t have so many hateful, self righteous people spewing misinformation to keep the weakest in our country in the chains of poverty. I wish the outrage for someone “using” healthcare on their dime, was instead directed at the companies profiting off of the sick and dying. Healthcare shouldn’t be a word that is dividing us. Healthcare should be a unifying word that every single one of us stands together on. Healthcare should not be political. Every person that wants to deny someone medical treatment due to their financial status is a disgusting, classist, cancer of our society. Do not tell me you are Christian. Do not tell me you care about people. Do not tell me you are for equal rights. Do not tell me anything. If you are fighting against the simplest, most obtainable way to help the weak in our society, you do not care about people. You care about justifying your oppressive, superiority complex in the name of a distorted view of “fairness”.

It matters to me. So I’m just going to say it.

When I was a kid, my mom had a friend with a daughter who was just awful. She was rude, bratty, mean, and selfish. We would often have playdates while our moms visited. It was always exciting and anxiety ridden. This little girl had EVERY toy. It was kid heaven. Unfortunately, her mom took a firm stand on the “I’m not going to force my kid to share if she doesn’t want to. Adults don’t have to share, so why do we make kids?” belief. (I would like to add that I do not make my children share things that are important or special to them. If that’s your favorite toy, offer them another one. Set your boundaries, but still be kind an inclusive.) So we would go to this kids house and she would not let us touch anything. Or she would give us crappy, broken toys.

She was also super nasty to my little sister. Try to scare her with things, make fun of her, give her things and take them away, etc. My sister would cry and she would straight up lie about what happened. I would watch this happen. Sometimes I would tell what really happened, but she usually had an excuse and then would act out on me. So I would just ignore it. I wasn’t looking to have that nastiness aimed at me. I seemed to have worked my way into the “I guess you can play with some stuff” arena. And I was going to keep that going. We would tell our mom in the car about how mean she was, and our mom would comfort us and tell us that she is glad we weren’t mean and selfish.

Then, one day, my little sister wasn’t playing with us. I don’t remember why. Sick? Sleeping? Gone? Whatever the reason, I was the “little one” then. I’m sure you can guess what that meant for me. She spent the visit terrorizing me. Not to the extent of my sister, since I was older, but enough to leave me in tears, wanting to go home.

There are a lot of times in life that we see injustice done and we continue to let it happen because it’s not directly affecting us. Racism. Classism. Sexism. Homophobia. Abuse. We know these things. We may even talk about them amongst ourselves in agreement that they’re wrong. But how often do we put ourselves out there when these things happen? If little kid Bethy had loudly took a stand against that bully, to my mom as it was happening, then maybe some change could have happened. Yes, being validated though conversation is a good thing. But it doesn’t solve the problem. There may be a day when that problem becomes your own. Will just you want someone to agree with you and carry on with life? Or will you want them to actively take a stand on your behalf?

While there are many examples of this in life, there is one that has been weighing on me. After talking to my husband about it, I decided that it’s something I should share publicly.

I am bisexual.

“You’re married to a man, so who cares?” I care. The bisexual community cares.

There are a few in my life know this. A lot that do not. Up until now, I didn’t think it was relevant to share. I always thought, “If I ever fall in love with a woman, then I will come out. What’s the point of causing issue if it’s not necessary?”

One of the most difficult things is trying to explain bisexuality to someone who thinks they know, and doesn’t care to learn.

When I was 15/16 I was working a Greek restaurant. There was this teenage girl that would come in on a regular basis. She was beautiful, funny, sweet, and every time I saw her I would get butterflies and my face would turn red. It was very confusing since I was raised very “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. I had crushes on famous females growing up. Clarissa was SO PRETTY AND COOL AND FUNNY. But just thought it must be that I admired them. Wanted to be like them. I wasn’t attracted to my female friends, and I did like boys. So I am definitely straight. Right? That teenage girl flooded me with confusion. Am I GAY?

After almost 20 years, I now understand what is misunderstood by most. Bisexuality is not turning on or off gayness or straightness. It is it’s own thing. I am attracted to and have the capacity to love both male and females. I am not straight just because I am married to a man. And the woman I’ve romantically been with didn’t make me gay. I am consistantly attracted to both genders. Not constantly, like some believe. Consistantly. Being bisexual does not mean I am going to run off with a woman or that I want a polygamist relationship. If you can be a straight person who is married, and see an attractive person of the opposite sex without feeling the urge to run off, you should be able to comprehend that I can be attracted to woman but be married to man. It’s the same exact thing. Commitment is specific to the person, not their sexual orientation.

I feel like a coward. Because I’m married to a man, I have the option to never tell anyone. I can sit here living as a straight person and it wouldn’t affect me in the slightest. I can discuss inequality and the rights of the LGBT community, but I can do it from a safe place of observation. I don’t have make people uncomfortable. I can ignore when people make homophobic jokes because they are not aware they of that aspect of me. Cowardice.

As I watch the rights of the LGBT community being chipped away, I am faced with the reality of my complacency. I talked to my husband about it, “what if something happened to you? And years from now I met a woman and fell in love with her? How many other woman are out there just like me, who find a woman instead of a man and are terrified to be with them because of the direction our country is taking? I feel like I need to come out. It seems silly since you’re a man and I’m not dating anymore. But I feel like I’ve turned my back on the LGBT community. I feel like my ‘I’ll come out if I have to’ approach is the same as saying I don’t want to have to suffer unnecessarily at the hands of bullies, so I’m going to sell off a part of my self to keep things nice for ME. I feel selfish.”

Like being little kids playing with that bully. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I felt bad, and even spoke out about things. But I liked not being the target and it ate at me not doing the right thing.

This post feels very anticlimactic. Because there’s nothing life changing for me. I am still exactly who I am. Learning this about me won’t change my relationships with you unless you change it. Will I get backlash? Oh I’m pretty sure. My kids have shared some of the things they’ve heard adults say about the gay community. About them going to hell. About them being disgusting. About how people should have the right to discriminate against them. My kids have come to me upset that there are adults that say such awful hateful things, while I have raised them to understand that love is love. There are different kinds. And no one’s love looks the same. I have told them that if they or any of their friends ever came out, I would protect and defend them from anyone who said hateful things.

I am bisexual. It does not affect my life as my life is now. But denying or ignoring this aspect of my life supports those who are trying to associate homosexuality with shame. And I refuse to feel shame about this aspect of who I am.

We don’t talk about money. Be poor privately please.

Why are the poor poor? Not how did they become poor, but why are they still poor. Have you ever ask yourself that? If you are, or have been, you know why.

Based on the posts I see on social media, the reason is, because that person is either: lazy, entitled, or makes poor choices. Are there lazy and entitled people? Sure there are. But I guarantee 99% of poor people work 10 times as hard as a financially stable person. Their life depends on it. And there are a lot of people that make poor choices, I being one of them. But unless your poor choice is gambling away your family savings or working for the mob, most poor people’s bad choices are buying a pair of jeans or going out for drinks. Not quite what I would consider worthy of a lifetime struggle to provide for your family.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I’m a poor person trying very hard to obtain what others tell me I could get if I just worked harder. I’m trying reach that goal you told me I’m not entitled to, that I have to work for. What is that goal? To have a place to live of my own and to be able to feed my children and pay my bills without worry or anxiety.

I receive SNAP. Because I’m below the poverty line. Does that make you uncomfortable? If you don’t know me I’m sure it doesn’t. If you know me personally I’m sure you feel quite uncomfortable knowing that about me. I once had a family member harass me on a Facebook post. He was convinced that the reason I am struggling HAS TO BE because I deserve it. I’m an entitled millennial who wants everything handed to me. I deleted him off my Facebook and had myself a good cry. Where has he been the last 10 years? I am not a quiet person. I do not bottle things inside. I am very honest and open about the good and the bad in my life. Why is my struggle making him so angry? It’s my struggle. I’m not angry. I love sharing my struggle so that others can know and feel hopeful. He was legitimately angry. Zero compassion.

Then someone said something to me that put it in perspective. “Of course he is angry. And of course he is blaming you. Because if he admits you’ve done everything you were supposed to and you are a good person, and are still suffering, then he would have to also admit that he stood by as you suffered for years and never offered you a hand of help.”

Holy crap. I used to always wonder why we didn’t talk about money. From a young age it was instilled in me that you never ask how much someone makes. And you don’t talk about how much you make. I remember asking, why we can’t talk about it. I was told it was because people that don’t make as much might get jealous and angry. It was to protect those who deserve their income from people who didn’t deserve it and wanted it.

Poor people don’t care if you know how much they make. I’ve had perfect strangers mention how much their check was in casual conversation. Poor people are not uncomfortable with talking about money. Whatevs. I’m broke but I needed some Chipotle. See, every single thing we do revolves around money. Like, if I buy the good toilet paper, will I have the gas to get my kids to school? Which bill can I be late on so I can replace my kids ripped school pants? We’re not handling our money with our sights set on vacation spots or the best investments. We’re trying to find a way to make sure we don’t have to eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal for dinner for the next week.

You know what would save me a lot of money? Being able to buy a house. My entire life has been at a standstill for the last year because the house I live in is unlivable. If I move my rent will be double to triple what it is now. It is not possible.

Poor people can’t buy houses. Not because they can’t afford them. Because the system is set up in a way to keep them poor.

I do not have a great credit score. To even have a chance at obtaining a mortgage I need 10% down. So let’s say I work for that goal. The houses in my area that I would be ideal for my family are about $150,000. But I don’t need ideal. I’m sure if I looked around and waited I could find something that makes do for about $100,000. So I need $10,000 to buy a house. With my current income I know I could save $100 a month. So that means in 8 years I could buy a house. If I lived extra poor I could probably save $200 a month. Then I could buy a house in 4 years. Do you see the problem? That means I still have to live in this shithole house with my four children until they are raised.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I can save $500 a month. That’s only a year and a half. Buuuuuut. I receive Food Stamps. About $500 a month. And the second my assets exceed $2,250, I do not qualify anymore. So 5 months in, I wouldn’t be able to afford to save anymore. (2 years into my 8, 1 year onto my 4).

Why are the poor poor? Because unless someone steps in and knocks down the societal hurdles, we don’t have a choice. Why do poor people buy lottery tickets? Because there’s a better chance of winning the money to help pull them out of poverty than there is to do it by hard work. Why do the poor buy cups of coffee and get tattoos instead of saving? Because what’s the point? Do you have any idea how helpless that feeling is? Then you feel guilty and ashamed when judgmental eyes look at your $50 tattoo and tell you that THAT is the reason you and your children deserve to suffer. You feel like you need to justify the $10 Goodwill Coach purse you carry because others see it and believe you’re exaggerating your circumstance. You’re either lying, or deserve it.

The rich want to believe that the poor are poor because they deserve it. Because if they acknowledged what it really is, they also have to admit that they’re okay with thriving while others are unfairly suffering. And that makes them uncomfortable. So it’s easier to just blame.

I am poor. My kids play sports, go to a private school, have new clothes and shoes at the beginning of the school year, and none of it was provided by me. Because I have people in my life that saw the value of my children and said, “I want to help”. My eyes swell up with tears when I think about what I would do if I didn’t have kind people in my life. Because I know you’re out there. All you that are suffering without a support system. I want to help you so bad. I want somebody to help you. I feel your pain, I feel your anxiety. I am so sorry we live in a country where you are demonized and told you deserve to suffer. You do not deserve to suffer. Your kids do not deserve to suffer. You deserve so mich better than this.

Why are the poor poor? If you are not poor, you need to be okay with being uncomfortable and do something. You need to stop blaming and start asking how you can help. Perpetual poverty happens when you can’t afford the necessities. Do you feel the Necessities in life a privilege or a right? Do you believe that someone’s financial circumstance equates their worth? Your complacency is hurting people.

Some people are more equal than others.

Ideas are like seeds being planted in your mind. We don’t always have control of the seeds that are throw to us, but we do have control of the soil. In this way, we get to decide how our garden will grow. Manicured and simple. Full of poison and thorns. Wild and unknown. A labyrinth. Filled with food. We decide based on what we pull out and what we nurture. How much effort we’re willing to put in and the people we put ourselves around, who are throwing seeds. How acidic the soil is, and what trees we have growing from the past. Try as you might, the soil below a large pine will not allow you to grow certain plants below it.

A couple weeks ago I saw a post on Facebook. My Facebook is pretty diverse when it comes to religion, politics, and life choices. So very often I see things I don’t agree with. So that was no surprise. What has surprised me is how much I keep thinking about it. See, I have been spending a lot of time lately pulling weeds. Uprooting trees. I have been working on my soil to help things grow. That seed that was planted? That seed has been thrown on my soil before. But it dried up. So when I saw it thrown my direction again, I anticipated the same result. But my soil isn’t the same. My soil is rich with nutrients. And that seed took root and is growing. So now I’m forced to acknowledge this plant growing. I have to decide whether to pull it up or water it.

“We must do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living….” Buckminster Fuller

The post I read was the full quote. But within the first sentence I knew I disagreed. I’m a hard worker, and I was raised to take pride in my work. You don’t work you don’t eat. The story of The Ant and the Grasshopper made a brief appearance in my mind. You cannot live your life playing and then expect those working to support you. Teaching a man to fish verses giving him a fish.

“We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery. Because, according to Malthusian-Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist.”

Justify his right to exist? I wouldn’t go that far. And we may invent some jobs, but I would say we Americans spend more time creating more “all ready invented” jobs. During our last election this was a huge thing. With the worry of unemployment and layoffs, I heard a LOT of people talking about job creation. There aren’t enough jobs and people need to work to support their families.

I also thought about work ethic. Working a less-than-desirable job definitely gives you appreciation for hard work and a lot of humility. If people didn’t work, how would they experience the struggle that has helped me form into who I am? What do they say about Idle Hands?

Then I started thinking about if I had my necessities met. Just my necessities. A place to live, food to eat, heating/cooling and electric, and health care for my children and me. What would I be doing? I would be home with my kids. I would be homeschooling them. I would have a chore chart. I would be maintaining a garden and teaching my kids with hands on lessons of cooking and animals and science experiments. I would still be working, but not as much. And the money I made from work would be invested in my kids, our home, and myself. The money would be used for house repairs, a vehicle, internet access, and travel. I would take another trip to do humanitarian work. I would take art classes. I would do more with theatre. I would read more. I would learn a language with my kids (they have been begging for us to all learn German as a family). I would help my kids learn what they love. What their gifts are. What their passion is.

Quick detour. Have you ever met someone and thought, how are you so successful? Like, they really have nothing to offer. Mediocre intelligence. Very limited world view. No talent. And yet, they are making over 10X what you make. I remember one guy in particular. He was always so impressed by how smart I seemed “considering I don’t have a degree.” He would tell me, “If you went to college, you could be way more successful. You have so much potential! It’s sad you’re working at a coffee shop when you could probably do my job better than me, ha!”

We all have different goals. My goal is not wealth. Rags to Riches stories, while interesting, don’t motivate me. While I appreciate my material things, they are disposable. I asked myself, if I had my needs met, what would be something I would work extra for in order to obtain? Travel. Art. Learning new things. Humanitarian work.

What if our needs were met. Just the basic ones. We would still have those who wanted to be rich. We would still have those who were lazy. We would still have to work. The difference is, we would be allowed to decide. If you wanted a huge house and lots if things, you could choose to work more. If you decide you would rather live modestly so you could be home with your kids, you could do that. But what about the freeloaders who wont work? Well. If they want that kind of poor, meaningless life, so be it. What does it matter to you? I mean, I’m not talking steak dinners and mansions. Food in the cupboard, a warm house, and freedom from/treatment for disease just means the rest of society is protected.

What would happen if those with actual talent could explore it? What would happen if all that “potential” could be met? What would happen if someone’s intelligence outweighed someone’s financial circumstance?

What would happen? We would thrive. Good parents would still instill work ethic in their children. Bad parents would still neglect it. Caring people would still want to help others. Selfish people would still take all they can get. The difference is, we would all have a choice. Ask a poor person if they have a choice right now. Ask them how many jobs they work and what they have to sacrifice so their kids don’t starve. Ask them about how expensive it is to be poor.

I am not against capitalism. I want our inventors to invent. I want our artists to create. I want every person to be able to listen to that gift they have and embrace it. We are all given certain passions inside of us. Animals. Children. Writing. Botany. Technology. Music. Cars. Every single person has something that pumps them up for life.

“The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before someone came along and told them they had to earn a living.”

How different things would be if we ran our Healthcare System and education system like a non-profit. If no one could get rich off the sick. If the poor had the same educational opportunities as the rich without having to join the military. If every family knew they had a house, electric, and food.

I can’t count the amount of times in my life I have said, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. Then, when the time came in my life that I needed to practice what I preached, I reach down for my boot straps only to find that someone found a way to make money off boot straps and had hiked the price up to make money off of my struggle.

We have been taught that the poor deserve their lot in life. And that the rich deserve their wealth. Why? Because admitting that the poor don’t have a choice and that we’re allowing others to profit off their suffering is a hard pill to swallow. We have to admit that while we say all are equal, we have been conditioned to feel superior to the poor. We have been told our stability is earned by hard work and therefore the poor must be lazy. If we acknowledge how much of an advantage having our basic needs met makes, then we are faced a choice. Continue to treat the poor as inferior, or work for change and equality. The seeds have been planted. You decide if you will let them grow.

Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Story time.

I got my driver’s license when I was 17. It was quite exciting to be able to drive my fellow cheerleaders and myself to get food after school and stuff. So, one day, I decided to get something to eat. I was running late, and speeding. I see a police officer…oh shit. I quickly turn down a few streets and hope to lose him. He catches up to me, pulls me over and comes to my window. I apologize and explain that I was a cheerleader and I was running late and I was SO sorry for speeding. He gave me a warning and before he walked back to his car said, “Hey. And a little piece of advice. If you see an officer, don’t try to run from them. We’ll always find you, and it’ll just make us mad.” I was embarrassed and said thank you.

Fast forward a year. At this point I am 18 and living in Grand Rapids. I have now been pulled over more that 15 times. (Seriously. I was pulled over 3 times in one week once) The only ticket I had ever received was a fix-it ticket for my plate being expired. I was driving around with my friends and I see the lights of a police car light up. On this occasion, I had most definitely done nothing wrong. He came to the window and proceeds to ask us what we are doing/where we are going. I am internally freaking out. My friend sitting next to me says, “Excuse me officer, what’s your badge number? You are pulling us over for ‘looking suspicious’? I would like to report you for harassment. We have complied, and answered all your questions. You pulled us over because she has pink hair, I have a mohawk, and we’re all teenagers.” After muttering some irritation, he told us to stay out of trouble and to go on our way.

So many stories. I have so many examples of being pulled over. I’ve been respectful, and I’ve been an asshole. I’ve been at fault, and I’ve been pulled over because the officer is just being a dick. I’ve had my proper paperwork, and I’ve had to search endlessly in a car full of junk and trash only to find I don’t have it with me. My car has broke down, ran out of gas, and I’ve had multiple tires blow out. So many stories.

You know what story I don’t have? One where I was shot. None of my stories end with someone thinking I had a gun and shooting me. When I unbuckled to climb over to search for my purse in the back seat, still alive. When I grabbed something out of my glove compartment, still alive. When I sassed the officer because he pulled me over for 5 over ths speed limit, down a hill, and got shitty with me, still alive. When the old couple slammed on their brakes because they thought they saw a stop sign and I slammed into them, still alive. When I got out of the car to see if they were ok, and my plates were expired, and my mom saw and came running down the street to see if we were ok…all still alive.

Stop telling me people are being shot because they broke the law. That they are being KILLED because they didn’t comply. Being a bad driver, having a broken down car, even being an asshole, is not punishable by death. It is absolutely asinine that people are suggesting that these people deserve it because they “could have” been a threat. I have never ONCE had a gun pulled on me. And I have never felt if I moved a certain way in the car, it would cost me my life. Why? Because I’m such an amazing driver and respectful human? Not always! Sometimes I’m an absolute terrible driver. And sometimes I’m a jerk to the officer because I’m irritated he pulled me over. I have never had a gun pulled on me because I am white. I look non-threatening because I am a white female.

I want you to stop what you’re doing and just think. Think about that time you drove home drunk. Think about that time you were an asshole to the cop. Think about the time you saw the cop car and cut down a street hoping they wouldn’t pull you over. Think about any youthful decision you made involving the law. Aren’t you glad it didn’t end with being shot? Aren’t you so thankful that you feel so safe in life, that even breaking the law doesn’t make you fear death?

Now, think about that time you were completely compliant. Did you reach in your purse for you license? Your glove compartment for your registration? When you were pulled over for speeding, did you feel the need to show your hands until the officer got to the window? Did you feel that your life was in danger if you moved at all?

What many of you think, is that #blacklivesmatter is about letting people get away with breaking the law. People honestly think that the reason these lives are lost is because they must be doing something suspicious or wrong. But here’s the thing, if a black person gets pulled over and is an asshole to the cop, they should get the same consequences as me. A stern lecture and a citation. Because our officers do deserve respect and I was breaking the law. They do not deserve a bullet in the back.

#Blacklivesmatter. People should be allowed to walk suspiciously, wear hoodies, have their cars break down, get pulled over for traffic violations, and even talk back and be assholes, without the threat of dying.

All I’m asking is for others out there to try to comprehend what that must be like. What it feels like to be at a store and feel that all eyes are watching you constantly. To not be able to be oblivious to your surroundings. What it must feel like to have a constant anxiety in your stomach that someone thinks you’re up to something. Purely based on how you look.

I do not think that the officers are making it up. I do feel that they think they are threatened. But why do they feel that way? This is what #blacklivesmatter is about. Changing people’s first response. We need to ask ourselves why these officers feel that their life is in danger when they see somebody with dark skin. We CANNOT change this until we chose to see it.

Last thing. I know so many that have preached loudly against #blacklivesmatter. You have you already taken the “racism doesn’t exist” or “I’m colorblind” or the “They deserve it. Maybe if they didn’t break the law” stance. Maybe just now you have realized you were wrong, it’s ok. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to tell the world that you had a realization and see how blatant the inequality is. I will never, ever, belittle or demean somebody for changing their stance on something if it means lives will be saved. Let go of your pride, help save lives.

I wasn’t shot, and they shouldn’t be either.