Tag: kids

I Get it Now

My family is comically large. We have it all going on. Siblings, half siblings, adopted, step, etc. Growing up this way, none of the labels mattered. It was just “my brother” or “my sister”. Many would look at the complexity of our family and just be happy we didn’t try to complicate it more. I won’t bore you with a list, because today I’m just focusing on my little sister Kaylene.

Kaylene and I hated each other growing up. We also absolutely loved each other. I felt like she got away with everything, and I’m sure she felt like I was mean and picked on her. Just your basic love/hate sibling stuff. But there was one detail, that until recently, I didn’t realize played such a large roll in our relationship. I was from a broken home, she wasn’t.

I have 3 daughters close in age. It mimics my family dynamic growing up. My sister Lynda and I would go to our dads every other weekend. My sister Kaylene stayed home with my mom and step dad. With my girls, my eldest 2 only see their dad a couple times per year. My youngest daughter goes to her dad’s every other week.

See, I knew my pain. My older sister and I would feel torn and left out. We only saw our dad twice a month. I would get so mad at Kaylene. She has her mom and dad ALL THE TIME. What does she have to complain about? She should be happy! So ungrateful. She has no idea the emotional stress that would cause us! She would whine about how unfair it was that we got to go to Cedar Point with our dad. She would get jealous if our dad sent us a letter, and she didn’t get mail. She would pester to hear about all the fun stuff we built with legos or which video games we played. I would just tell her it was none of her business. I would get angry and purposely not tell her things so Lynda and I could have inside jokes and stories. She just didn’t get it. We would have given up every single toy, video game, vacation, and letter to have what she had. I loved my step dad. A ton. But only kids from broken homes can truly understand how torn you feel. How you can love both parents and feel happy at both houses and still feel like somehow you’re not whole.

“But Nadia! I never get to go to Las Vegas! Can’t I just go and see your dad’s house sometime? I want to see his dogs!”

“No Genevieve. It’s OUR dad. You get to see your dad all the time. Las Vegas is our special time with him! And Ziggy and Pepper probably wouldn’t like you because they only like certain people. ”

My heart broke. For both of them. Nadia is so mean to Genevieve. Not because Nadia is a mean kid, but because she is hurt. She is jealous. She is trying so hard to make herself feel like she has something special, when in fact, she is terribly jealous of her baby sister. She has anger that her dad has missed the majority of her childhood, while Genevieve has her dad and stepmom involved in almost every event. She is hurt, so she is choosing to take it out on Genevieve. And my poor little Genevieve doesn’t understand. She just feels left out. She feels alone. All her siblings (on both sides) have someone. She wants to feel connected and is purposely being excluded.

Genevieve came to me a couple weeks ago. She gave me a bracelet that was half a heart that said “Big Sis” on it. I asked her why she was giving it to me. She originally bought it for a one of her sisters at her dad’s house. She told me both her sisters told her to give it to someone else. So she tried to give it to her sisters here. Neither wanted it and told her to just wear it herself or put it on a stuffed animal. She then said to me, “When I’m a grown up, can you be my sister? Because then you can wear it.” I put it on, gave her a big hug and told her I loved it.

Then I cried. A lot. Siblings are mean to each other. That’s nothing new. They get sassy, bossy, and sometimes they’re just little assholes to each other. But this is more than that.

I talked to my older kids about it. I told them they need to be kind to her. That she’s only 6 and needs to feel love from her sister’s. To try to remember being that age. Try to remember how it felt to feel excluded by older kids. To try to remember how it felt to want them to think you were cool or funny. Just try to be compassionate.

I am so sorry Kaylene. I have always loved you, but I never realized the pain you went through because of us. I always felt that my home was broken, but yours was not. And I was jealous of that. So jealous. Jealous to the point of anger. I did not realize that we were your home. That every other weekend, your home was broke too. Because your sisters left and had a whole different life and home. I see now that mom and dad weren’t “favoring” you. They were protecting a little kid from a mean bully of a sister. They weren’t letting you get away with stuff, they just understood that you were acting out because, honestly, your sister Bethy was kind of an asshole who liked to push your buttons.

When I see Genevieve, with hurt and loneliness in her eyes, I can finally understand why you didn’t feel like the “lucky one” who had both her parents. You felt like the forgotten one who was pushed aside. And while my actions as a child are completely understandable and probably expected, it doesn’t take away from the fact that it hurt you. I’m sorry.

Love you baby sis.

Seriously, it doesn’t have to be serious.

Today I read 4th graders the story of Rigoberta Menchú Tum. If you don’t know who she is, she is a Guatemalan woman, born in 1959, who fought for the indigenous people during their civil war. Her life was full of loss and hardship. She started working, (coffee beans) at the age of 8 with her parents. Her brother died of malnutrition. Her father died in an embassy that was bombed, and her mother was kidnapped and killed.

Heavy stuff for 4th graders. After we discussed her story, I told the kids, “It’s hard for us to imagine this. We have certain laws to protect us. Child labor laws. Minimum wage. Etc. We know if we go to work for a certain amount, that’s how much we’re going to be paid.”

Now that these kids heads are clicking along, comes the final writing. I said, “Imagine you’re babysitting. You make a certain amount. It seems fair for the work it takes to babysit. Then, you find out a friend of yours is also babysitting, but they make $2.00 an hour more than you. Who do you feel? What are you going to do about this?”

Blank stares. “What if we don’t care?”

This was a tough one. Usually our writing is fun, no limit, fantasy. What if you don’t care? Why don’t you care? Should a wage gap bother you? If it does, why is it so hard to approach your employer about a raise? Are you mad at the friend, or the employer? Why?

Man oh man. I was curious about what these kids were going to say. I always anticipate they’re writings. Kids, a lot of times, write what they think is the “right answer”. So I assumed that I would get a lot of “I would tell the people I was babysitting for I am raising my price.” Or “I wouldn’t say anything because what I made was fine.” Or “I would find a different job.” Kids tend to be predictable…..or so I thought.

I had a few students share. (I am paraphrasing here) “I just found out my friend makes more than me. I am going to sabotage her. I will go over while she’s babysitting and clog the toilet. Then, I will give the kids a bunch of sugar so they’re hyper. Then, I will trash the house.” Well. That’s not what I was expecting to hear. “I just found out my friend makes more than me. And it’s not fair. I am way better than he is at babysitting. So I will destroy his job. First, I will find a ninja suit to wear….”

I just laughed as these kids giggled through reading their stories. It was obvious by how their stories played out, they didn’t really feel this was the best course of action, but they decided to go with it.

“Yes, and…” I try to keep this mindset while teaching. So how the frick do I support these writings while at the same time reaffirm the class that we do not condone sabotage?  I mean, these thoughts are honest. Who doesn’t immediately think of the extreme when they feel wronged? Even Rigoberta felt like burning down the plantation when her parents were wronged. But she didn’t.

Ah. There it is. She didn’t. I have had visions of flipping tables at jobs I didn’t like. But I never have. I have had clients that were so incredibly rude and difficult, I imagine grabbing their hair and cutting a chunk right out of it. But I have never done that. Impulse control. Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.

So here are these 4th graders. A little bummed out to find out their writing doesn’t get to be about mythical creatures, or superheroes, or any of that fun stuff. Yet, they found a way.

This has made me happy all day. We lose so much as we grow when it comes to creativity and imagination. Or, we find an “all or nothing” approach to fantasy. There doesn’t have to be goblins or dragons to make our stories exciting. Our own minds can come up with these outrageous responses naturally. We, of course, dismiss them as actual possible actions, but they’re there.

What makes a story? Conflict and resolution. But what makes a story great? Plot twists. Unpredictable characters. These kids get it. They spiced up a potentially boring writing by simply choosing to imagine themselves without the trained impulse control. And it was splendid.

Teaching My Kids to Acknowledge Struggle

Yesterday, my kids and I had a conversation about my parenting. My teenage brother was watching them, and he was stressed out and started yelling and being, well, a teenager. They were very upset about it and my middle daughter explained, in great detail, everything that was said and done. I listened and thought while she spoke, about how to respond.

I’m going to paraphrase, but I said something along the lines of, “It is not ok for him to raise his voice to you. Or use cuss words. And I’m glad you told me about it. We all struggle with stuff. You know what his struggle in life is going to be? His temper and his self control. Is he a mean guy? No. Does he hate you guys? No. He just doesn’t know what to do when he feels out of control with stuff. This is something he is going to HAVE TO learn. Because you know what’s going to happen if he doesn’t? He’s going to end up losing friendships, or relationships. Or even worse, he could end up actually hurting someone or going to jail. But you know what? That’s not your problem. He is not your problem. Those are HIS problems. Your job is to keep yourself safe and to make sure he knows that’s not ok to be like around you. Walk away and tell a grown up. Don’t yell back, don’t try to explain yourself to him. Leave and let him sit in his own anger. He doesn’t get to blame you for his loss of self control. We are only in control of ourselves.”

During this conversation, each kid piped in with questions and thoughts. “What if we walk away, but he follows us and keeps yelling?” Then, tell him that YOU need a min to calm down. Keep it about yourself. “I get angry too. Sometimes I just can’t control it and I yell and stuff.” So, you understand that it doesn’t mean you hate that person, or that you’re a mean person. What do you think after you yell at someone? “I feel really bad for hurting their feelings. And I get embarrassed and worried they hate me.”  So, maybe you should go tell them sorry? That it wasn’t their fault you lost your temper? Don’t you think they would be happy to know that you realize you were wrong and care about them? It’s the same with my brother. I guarantee he feels bad for making you cry. Maybe you should tell him you forgive him. Tell him you know it’s hard to control emotions, and you know he’s trying too. That could make him feel like he’s not hated. And encourage him to keep working on it. Sometimes we don’t think people notice we’re struggling or trying. Let him know you notice.

Then I said, “Can I tell you guys a secret? Parents, we have no idea what we’re doing. We think we know, and then they hand you this brand new, beautiful baby, and you realize, uh oh….I have no clue what to do. We’re all just figuring it out as we go. There will be things that you hate about my parenting. You will grow up and say. ‘I will never do “this” with my kids.’ And then there will be other things that you love, and will say, ‘I am so glad my mom did “this” with me.” I do it. Everyone does. I try really hard to look at you guys and make decisions that will help you know yourself and to help you get through things that you’re going to struggle with.”

They all reassured me that I was the best mom in the world and that they love me. I smiled told them I loved them more than anything. I would love to have that moment froze in time. I know their admiration for me will fade in the next few years as we enter into the teenager phase. That’s what I wanted to say. That really, I feel like I’m just working on the preparations for the years I’m the “worst mom in the world”. That I am hoping to give them enough tools and self awareness, that as the enter the years of feeling alone and misunderstood, they still have parts of themselves established enough to make it through.

Self awareness. That’s what I want for them. I am very self aware. Have been for most my life. I was never completely delusional about life. Even as a teenager, I remember thinking, “Man I love peer pressure. I am such a sucker for it.” I even knew why I liked it. It was because I felt like not knowing what was expected of me gave me anxiety. Peer pressure was straight up telling me what was expected. I was not stupid. Most the time, I didn’t have to be manipulated by my peers. I could see right through their intentions.

I think about how many oblivious adults there are. Absolutely no self awareness or self responsibility. No intention of finding solutions for their struggles. They just accept it as part of themselves, and expect others to just deal with it. No growth. And they’re raising children with the same mentality. I am not. I want my kids to enter adulthood KNOWING they have to work for the rest of their lives adapting and growing. They need to make choices on who they want to be, and accept it is in their control, no one else’s. I also want them to know that not everyone will do this, and that’s not their problem. They can, and should, walk away from situations that don’t help them grow as a person. That the “this is how I am, accept it” is a lie. We don’t have to accept it. That a broken person who is trying, is worth investing in, but a person content in their toxic nature should be avoided at all costs.

Will this lesson last into adulthood? I have no idea. Because, they are their own person. With their own thoughts, feelings, ideas, and experiences. This is where I have to take my own advice and realize that I don’t have control. No amount of guilt, manipulation, or lecturing will make this resonate with them. The only thing I can do is keep asking them questions, and listen to and answer their’s. Hopefully, I am growing strong minds which will learn to come to their own conclusions.

I feel like I should set an alarm to go off in 10 years for me to reread this post. Because, I know 41 year old Beth will have wisdom and growth I’m lacking now. I would love to hear her thoughts on all this. But, wisdom can’t just be learned through being told, so it wouldn’t matter anyways. Wisdom is something you just have to let develop with time.

Your Shame is a Good Thing

Growing up, my mom had a lot of “catch phrases” we would hear on a regular basis. “Don’t pet an elephant and expect it to purr”, she would say if you were upset at how someone reacted differently than you would. “Do you have to burn all ten fingers before you know the stove is hot?” She would ask if you repeatedly made the same mistakes. She had one for almost every conversation. Which, for this girl, painted a very detailed picture of what she was saying. Of course, as a teenager, it was met with eye rolls and irritation. I mean come on. MY life was something special, and those broad brushed statements didn’t apply. (Yeah yeah. You’re unique. Just like everyone else.)

One of these gems I very quickly dismissed, or even possibly blamed for some life long scarring, was: “I don’t care about your self-esteem.” Not as witty as the other ones, and even sounds a bit harsh. So let me explain the original conversation that she would be referring to. She told us, “I don’t want you to have high self-esteem. You know who has the highest self-esteem? Inmates. They think pretty high of themselves. So high, they think they’re above the law. You should have self-confidence. Be confident in your self. But never think so highly of yourself that you think you are above another person or a rule.” That is paraphrased, but you get the idea.

Quick! Time to shift gears. Back to present day. I have been working at Benton Harbor public schools for the last few months. The program I work for is awesome. I meet with the kids once a week (a second grade class and a third grade class). We work on writing, listening to stories, acting them out, and discuss what we learn from them. I love it. That being said, these kids can be little shits. Anyone who has ever worked in an intercity public school knows, this is probably the nicest way I can put it. (Quick shout out to all the teachers out there. You are saints.)

My lesson plan last week for my third graders had “shame/humiliation” as the focus. So my mind starts going through all the ways this could play out with the kids. In the hopes of trying to avoid these kids going down the rabbit hole of anger about personal embarrassment, I decided to take it a different direction. I started with the Grammys.

“Anyone here know what the Grammys are? Do you know who Beck is?”

Nothing.

“Do you know who Kanye West is?”
-Oooh! Ooh! I know I know! I heard about that!

“Well, let me tell you a little about it. In case you don’t know what happened. There is a musician named Beck. Most of you don’t know who he is. He was very well known in the 90s. He has won many awards. He still plays and performs. He LOVES music. He won at the Grammys. Now, we all know Kanye and Beyonce. They are also amazing musicians. Well, Kanye got on stage while Beck was giving his “thank you’s”. Everyone thought he was just being silly, since he’s done it before. Until after….when he started saying mean things about Beck. He wanted Beck to give his award to Beyonce. He said Beck didn’t deserve it…. So, how do you think Beck felt after he heard what Kanye said?

-Sad! Mad! Embarrassed!

“Ah. Embarrassed. Do you think he should feel embarrassed? I mean, he won best album. He IS an amazing musician. Who cares what Kanye thinks?”

-Cuz he was happy and stuff and then Kanye tried to make him think he shouldn’t.
-Cuz he got interrupted on stage
-Cuz people like Beyonce more.

“Do they? He won not Beyonce. Record sales would say they do, so maybe people do like her more. Now imagine being Beck, and someone taking your moment from you…You get on stage, all surprised and excited. Even YOU thought Beyonce was going to win. But it was YOU! Your album that you worked so hard on, just WON….. That was pretty mean of Kanye wasn’t it. Now how do you think Beyonce felt? Besides disappointed after losing. How do you think she felt after Kanye did what he did?”

-I bet she felt bad for that guy.
-She probably told Kanye that wasn’t nice.
-I bet she was embarrassed for him.

“Again. Embarrassed. I bet Beyonce felt a bit embarrassed that first, she didn’t win, and THEN, Kanye had to bring all that attention to it. So here is Kanye West. Decides to get up and try to take away from something someone earned. And then, embarrass a friend of his, who was probably already feeling disappointed. Do you think Kanye felt embarrassed?

-umm…maybe?
-he should
-I bet he did later.

“I don’t think he did. Based on how he’s acted in the past, I bet he feels he did nothing wrong. You guys, sometimes we SHOULD feel ashamed of ourselves. Sometimes we SHOULD feel embarrassed. When you start acting and living as if only your feelings matter, you will hurt other people.”

I explained my moms views on self-esteem. I told the kids I have see them act just like Kanye. When I choose someone else to read, you are allowed to feel disappointed. But you do NOT throw a fit. Do not take away from one of your peers moments. We learn self control, and hope for our chance to shine the next time. If we do not feel shame or embarrassment of our actions when they are out of line, we need to ask ourselves why. Why do we feel OUR opinion is somehow more important than someone elses? Why do we feel OUR actions are justified when they hurt someone else?

Do I think these kids understood what I was saying? Probably not. Do I think any of them will take this to heart? Who knows. Most were fiddling around or talking. The first child I chose to read was met with “uhhh. That’s not fair! I want to read! Why do they get to?” I stopped the class and said, “listen to yourselves! How do you think they feel right now? Would you want to get in front of a class and read if that’s what people were saying when you got up? How about feeling happy for them? Letting them be excited for their moment to share?” After I chose the next reader, the teacher and I exchanged looks in response to the kids sighs and comments. I’m not sure this lesson stuck with them.

Parents. Your kid is NOT that great. Yes, to you they are, but to the outside world, they are just another person. They are not superior to other humans. If they excel in something, they need to earn that recognition themselves. Quit with the self-esteem. Your child should feel sad, embarrassed, disappointed, and even unseen. It helps them form desire for improvement. Humbles them when facing someone who is better. Teaches them self control over their feelings. And above all, gives them more joy and happiness during success they earned. Teach your child to be confident. To love themselves, but teach them to understand other people have gifts, talents, and will surpass them at times. And that’s ok. Otherwise, you are raising another Kanye. Who will throw a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, and lack the ability to understand exactly what is wrong with their actions.

Back to School: The ADHD Parent

Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds: Back to School: The 70s vs. Today, A Lot has Changed:

http://widelawns.blogspot.com/2014/08/back-to-school-70s-vs-today-lot-has.html?m=1

This blog had me giggling to myself. It was predictable, but pleasantly so. I decided to add to it. I want to give my ADHD back to school response. Anyone who is “Shiny”, as we call it in the ADHD community, knows what an absurdly trying task getting our little ones off to school in this day of age is.

1. Two weeks before school starts, realize the fast approaching date, but refuse to think about it. Make sure that anytime your children bring it up, silence them immediately. Tell them you have plenty of time, and to not worry about it.

2. Tell yourself, and your children you will begin adjusting to the school year schedule by early bedtimes and more structure. Then decide to stay up late with them watching Frozen again, because it’s still summer and you can go to bed early tomorrow night.

3. About a week before school starts, pick up the packets. Whine and cry about it to everyone.

4. Decide you need to sort everything in your house this week to get ready. Do all the laundry, but leave it in a heap on the couch. Make sure to walk carefully around all piles of paperwork that are “almost done” being sorted. And keep the toy room door closed so the kids don’t accidentally mix your sorted piles in with the not sorted piles. Don’t actually finish any of these started tasks. Instead, decide to organize your nail polishes or clean out your email inbox.

5. The day before school starts, realize you haven’t purchased any supplies. Try to remember what you bought on clearance last year, and where you put it. Realize you have no idea, and head to the store. Once at the store, remember you have ADHD and you cannot do hardcore, specific, shopping with small children there and leave the store.

6. Tell the kids that bedtime is at 8. Then pace around the house (but never actually do anything) until 8:05, then realize you can’t remember the last time your kids had a bath. Start baths, and finally at about 9:15, get them in bed.

7. Talk to your significant other for at leat an hour about how much you dislike back to school, how unprepared you are, and tell him you need to go to the store still. Start to grab your purse, then, talk to your significant other for another hour about how next year you’re going to plan better and not be so overwhelmed.

8. Finally go to the store. Look through the very specific, very long, list of needs. Make sure to only do one kid at a time. So that you have to revisit each aisle at least 3-10 times.

9. Now, feeling relieved, head to the check out. Then remember you have no food for lunches. Grab a loaf of the closest bread, a package of cheap bologna, a bag of apples, and the cheapest juice boxes you can find. Now you can leave.

10. Unload all the newly purchased items and sit on the floor with a bag and a sharpie.

11. Make a pile for each kid. Then open every item and write their name on them. (On the items you don’t know if they are supposed to be labeled, because you lost that sheet that tells you, just put initials…so they’re easier to skribble out). Make sure to be quiet now, because it’s 3am and everyone’s sleeping. But Shhhing the cat is fine. Because she keeps knocking over everthing and trying to play with the bags and trash.

12. At 4 am, feel accomplished. Crack open a beer. Then, remember you never washed the new clothes or underpants the kids want to wear in the morning. Start a load and sit on social media (probably your ADHD support group, since theyre all still up too) and wait. At 5am, put the clothes in the dryer and head to bed.

13. Wake up late, frantically yell at the kids, and manage to get all of them and their bags in the car. Start your commute, and breathe. Then notice your 7 year old didn’t brush her hair. And when your 9 year old smiles, ask her if she brushed her teeth. She didn’t. Look for a tissue and realize there are none. Take a piece of paper and crumple it up. Hand it to her and tell her to scrap her teeth. Then spray her mouth with Listerine spray and tell her you don’t care if it’s gross, maybe next time she’ll brush before she leaves.

12. Get to the school 3 min before it starts. Rush in, and wait as each kid uses the potty before you head to the class. Then make sure to very loudly bang into the door on your way into the classroom, and interrupt the teacher’s welcome speech. Try to sneak a pic of your child at their desk, but only receive a “hurry up” look.

13. Drive home, set an alarm for the afternoon, cry a little out of shear exhaustion, and pass out.

I Should Get an A for Effort

Do you remember in school that combination of nervousness and excitement of conferences? Maybe not the later years, but in elementary school, it’s exciting to see your mom and dad proud of you, yet nerve racking that maybe you weren’t nearly as great as you thought. Well, for my non parent friends, I would like you to know that it’s the same feeling when your kids have conferences. I am not sure of how they are now versus 20 years ago, but my experiences is full of anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I know that my kids are amazing, so I most likely will get to hear about how wonderful they are, but I know any negatives will most definitely be my fault. 

My oldest daughter, Audrey, is a very smart, funny, shy, contemplative child. Full of curiosity and a great comprehension of anything taught, I know that she is doing well academically. So I sit and listen to the teacher rave about her. How well she does on tests, how advanced she is in subjects, and how great it is to have her in her class. Then the pause….BUT….  I knew it was coming. One issue I needed to resolve was tardiness. Yuck. I knew this would be brought up. Why is she always late? You are the mother, and it IS your responsibility to get your children to the school on time. She does so much better when she’s here early. etc. I, of course, heard all these things and became very emotional about the subject because all I heard while she said these things was, “You’re failing motherhood! You’re not doing your job! Your child is lacking because you’re so flipping incompetent!” This teacher did not say these things, but definitely perceived her criticism as a personal attack on my ability as a mother. 

I tried to explain myself, but within a couple min of talking, I realized I sounded like the biggest excuse maker in the world. A “the dog ate my homework” excuse would have been better received than my reasons. After we addressed other issues, I left and proceeded to sit in my car having myself a good ugly cry. After thoroughly wiping the fluids from every hole in my face with some left over McDonald’s napkins, I went on my way.

Why the heck did this affect me so strongly? I’m sure there are parents in there that have to hear about what a little shit Tommy is, or how far behind academically Sally is. My child is doing awesome. I should be leaving with a sense of pride and happiness. Not snot and Alice Cooper eye makeup. 

The reason is because this is a subject I kind of feel helpless on. When people ask why we  late,are I always want to reply the same way. Which reason would you like? The time that Genevieve decided she had to poop before we left? Or maybe the time I leaned over and spilled my coffee all over the kitchen floor. Or we could go with the time that the girls decided to use one of there shoes to tie up a fort they made, so I had to spend 10 min untying knots. Or our most common occurrence, bus #12. Yes. There is actually one bus that has made us late numerous occasions. If, in the last 3 min of our drive to school we get behind this particular bus, it takes us an additional 5-10 min. And these are just normal days. I won’t even begin to give examples of what the winter months in Michigan hold for my family. Which reason is your favorite? 

Today, like a super mom, I managed to have everyone ready to go out the door EARLY. Then it happened. That moment the universe realizes it was not paying nearly enough attention, and forgot to throw some crap your way. My 4 year old was upset because she wanted to wear a very wrinkly blue and white dress. With black pants under. And she no longer liked her sparkly shoes. They were “too sparkly”. In the mean time, my 7 and 9 year old were “getting in the car”, which really means, we’re going to run around outside and hopefully find some puddles to jump in. And while we’re at it, maybe we can find a way to get a bit of dirt on various places of our body. So, I told my very upset 4 year old that the blue dress is beautiful, and pants are a great idea, and I understand that sparkly shoes were so “last week” but she’s stuck with them. And no you can’t have candy with your breakfast. Finally, which feels like an eternity, I load all the kids in the car. Ok. We wont be early, but we can still make it on time. Until about 10 min into our 35 min drive. “Oh no! I forgot my swim stuff!” My brain quickly reasons out the proper response. I really want to say, “Well, that’s unfortunate for you. I guess when you said you were ready and had everything for school, you didn’t really check. Guess you won’t be swimming today.” Then I realize that it would most definitely result in a talk with me about how I’m the parent, and thus, responsible to make sure my child has what she needs for school. I weigh out which scolding I would prefer, that, or the “late again?” one. I turn around and head back to the house to retrieve the forgotten bag. Following 2 buses, and having to wait for traffic to be guided around an accident were just the frosting on “C’mon!” cake we had this morning. My kids were 20 min late. 

So dear friends, when I say I’m sorry for being late, I am sincere. When I don’t feel the need to explain, making myself seem indifferent, I am not. Just know, that the reason for my “whatever” approach to our tardiness isn’t because I don’t care about punctuality, it’s because the reasons are usually so absurd, and happen so often, I just have to let it go.