Tag: racism

Ignorance is Bliss…er…Business 

“No body owes you anything. If you want something, work for it.” 

I agree with this. If you’re waiting for someone to rescue you, or wanting to just relax your way through life, you’re going to be thoroughly disappointed. 

That being said, I’m not heartless. Sometimes things happen and we Americans have the ability (and in my opinion, the duty) to help someone. A lot of times, I hear fear about allowing too much welfare help. The fear being that those on welfare will become content in their lifestyle and leech off of the hard working Americans (middle class) while having no intent to ever rise above. 

So here are a few scenarios I think most people can support or relate to. (Read and answer to yourselves. I could be wrong!)
Scott has 3 children. He has custody of all 3. He works 2 jobs trying to make enough to support them, but needs some help with childcare because it is so expensive.

Should there be a program to help him? 

Chad has 2 kids he has custody of. He’s been employed at the same job for 3 years, but due to some cuts at the company he works for, his hours were cut in half. He is looking for a second job, but needs to be able to feed his kids. 

Should Chad get food assistance? 

Brett’s wife of 15 years, Mary, makes 65K a year. Brett has spent the last 8 years staying home with their 3 kids and taking care of the household. He finds out Mary has been cheating and she wants a divorce. 

Should Mary pay spousal support as well as child support? Should Brett qualify for government assistance until he can find a job?

Larry, husband and father, has been working at the same company for 20 years. He recently was laid off and is having a difficult time finding a job. 

Should Larry get unemployment? Should he qualify for food assistance and Medicaid? 

Steve had an injury which caused him to lose his job. He is well now, and wanting to get back into the job market. The problem is, he has no phone or internet and cannot afford the bill for either until he gets a job. He can use the internet at his local library, but wants to have a phone number to leave on his applications. 

Should we help Steve get a phone? 

Todd’s wife, Amanda, died unexpectedly. They were young, so their life insurance policy only covered funeral expenses. Without her income, Todd cannot afford their mortgage. He soon finds the house will be foreclosed. He has 2 small children and needs to find a place to live while he adjusts to his new life as a single dad. 

Should there be housing help for him? 

Those sound like good men. Trying to support their kids. Trying to contribute to society. I think most would say that it would be an investment to help these guys out. 

Now. Sub in the name Trevon and/or Ladonna. Seriously. Scroll up and reread them with only the name change. This isn’t going to work if you don’t.

I’m not in your head. You are. So be honest with yourself. Where do you imagine they work? Did the company/line of work they were in change from the first time you read it? Do you believe they are contributing to society? Do you assume the kids have different mothers/fathers? Do you assume they have no desire to strive for a better life? Do you feel like they are leeching? Is your gut response to withhold help? Do you feel it’s a waste of tax dollars?

When you hear people talk about racism, THIS is what we’re talking about. This is white male privilege. That purely being a white male means that people will initially assume the best. You are worth investing in. 

You are not against welfare. You are against minorities receiving help from government programs. You have been conditioned your entire life to have these knee jerk responses. I have them too. I have to CONSCIOUSLY decide to not feed into them. 
Years ago I had a conversation about a woman and that was the moment I realized my white privilege. 

Her: She has 3 kids with 2 different guys. But That’s how they do it in Benton Harbor. They have kids with whoever just so they can get the benefits.

Me: Oh. You mean like me? I’m from Benton Harbor. I have 3 kids by 2 different guys. Heck, my youngest’s dad is married. And I get food stamps. 

Her: No no no. Thats not what I meant. You’re a hard worker! You made a mistake. You’re doing what’s best for your kids! You are am amazing mother. It’s temporary for you! 

Me: And why isn’t it temporary for her? What makes her a lost cause?

Her: No. You’re misunderstanding. I know you’re a good person. But she is from a culture that encourages living off hard working Americans. 

Me: So if you didn’t know me, you would assume the same thing as you are with her? That I was lazy and lookimg for free stuff by having kids?

Her: No no no. That’s not what I’m saying. I can tell you’re a hard worker! You do anything for your kids. You are using the welfare system for what it was set up for, to get yourself on your feet again! 

Me: And I’m white. 

Her: *uncomfortable* 

Me: She’s black. 

Her: I’m not racist. It’s a cultural thing. That’s just how they live in Benton Harbor. 

No. That is racism.  That poor woman has to work 10X as hard as me in life. She will be assumed to be lazy, and a leech everywhere she goes. You will sit there and make mental (or verbal) judgements on whether or not you believe she is worthy of help. She will have to pay the same taxes as you. She will have to work the same amount of hours as you. But you will know, that you are more deserving of every break you get in life. And your attitude toward her is just a form of “tough love”. Her hard work doesn’t count because her culture encourages laziness. That has to be what it is. 

You will talk to others like you, and set imaginary goals for this woman. “If she really cared about her kids, she would get a degree.” But offer no way for her to obtain a defree. “She should get an additional job. If she put her nose to the grindstone, she could rise above.” But condemn her for leaving her children or for asking for a raise. Any hardship she has is deserved. You are punishing her for not being a white man like you. 

Are you really against food assistance? Or are you against the woman who “obviously” just having babies to live off the state. Are you against housing help, or are you against the black guy who probably just works at a fast food place part time and should just work harder if he wants a place to live. 

You Are not against welfare. If you were in any of these positions, you would feel completely justified in using government assistance “for it’s intended purpose”. To get back on your feet. But if it’s a minority, you are immediately skeptical on their motives. Ask yourself WHY. Why do you feel you need or are entitled to an explanation for anyone’s reasons? Why do you feel you get to be a judge on whether someone deserves to eat or have medical care? 

And just throwing this out there. “Getting back on your feet” is not the intended purpose of the welfare system. The intended purpose is to make sure that the lowest income people in our country have their basic needs met. It’s to have a lower class that is fed, housed, and medically well. The basics. Because some cannot rise above some imaginary line you’ve drawn in your head to indicate success. Some will always work sweeping floors, cleaning toilets, or serving fast food. And they should still have heat. And their kids deserve to have full stomachs. The value of a life is not determined by annual income. 

You have been lied to. You have been told your whole life that you are superior and deserve what you have because you  a hard worker and they are not. So who is telling you these lies? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not the lower class…and it’s not the middle class…you guessed it! The top 1%. They want you to be mad at those who “leech off the system” so you don’t notice them…leeching off the system. Does a black man, who works at a grocery store, getting $1500 worth of food  a year piss you off? What about a white man getting a $30mil tax break? Smart businessman?

Do not tell me that racism doesn’t exist. Say what you really mean. I don’t care that racism exists because it benefits me. Don’t tell me you don’t see color. Say what you mean. I don’t want to acknowledge others are treated differently because then I have to change my internal dialogue. Don’t tell me you care about the poor. Say what you mean. They are poor because they deserve it. 

Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Story time.

I got my driver’s license when I was 17. It was quite exciting to be able to drive my fellow cheerleaders and myself to get food after school and stuff. So, one day, I decided to get something to eat. I was running late, and speeding. I see a police officer…oh shit. I quickly turn down a few streets and hope to lose him. He catches up to me, pulls me over and comes to my window. I apologize and explain that I was a cheerleader and I was running late and I was SO sorry for speeding. He gave me a warning and before he walked back to his car said, “Hey. And a little piece of advice. If you see an officer, don’t try to run from them. We’ll always find you, and it’ll just make us mad.” I was embarrassed and said thank you.

Fast forward a year. At this point I am 18 and living in Grand Rapids. I have now been pulled over more that 15 times. (Seriously. I was pulled over 3 times in one week once) The only ticket I had ever received was a fix-it ticket for my plate being expired. I was driving around with my friends and I see the lights of a police car light up. On this occasion, I had most definitely done nothing wrong. He came to the window and proceeds to ask us what we are doing/where we are going. I am internally freaking out. My friend sitting next to me says, “Excuse me officer, what’s your badge number? You are pulling us over for ‘looking suspicious’? I would like to report you for harassment. We have complied, and answered all your questions. You pulled us over because she has pink hair, I have a mohawk, and we’re all teenagers.” After muttering some irritation, he told us to stay out of trouble and to go on our way.

So many stories. I have so many examples of being pulled over. I’ve been respectful, and I’ve been an asshole. I’ve been at fault, and I’ve been pulled over because the officer is just being a dick. I’ve had my proper paperwork, and I’ve had to search endlessly in a car full of junk and trash only to find I don’t have it with me. My car has broke down, ran out of gas, and I’ve had multiple tires blow out. So many stories.

You know what story I don’t have? One where I was shot. None of my stories end with someone thinking I had a gun and shooting me. When I unbuckled to climb over to search for my purse in the back seat, still alive. When I grabbed something out of my glove compartment, still alive. When I sassed the officer because he pulled me over for 5 over ths speed limit, down a hill, and got shitty with me, still alive. When the old couple slammed on their brakes because they thought they saw a stop sign and I slammed into them, still alive. When I got out of the car to see if they were ok, and my plates were expired, and my mom saw and came running down the street to see if we were ok…all still alive.

Stop telling me people are being shot because they broke the law. That they are being KILLED because they didn’t comply. Being a bad driver, having a broken down car, even being an asshole, is not punishable by death. It is absolutely asinine that people are suggesting that these people deserve it because they “could have” been a threat. I have never ONCE had a gun pulled on me. And I have never felt if I moved a certain way in the car, it would cost me my life. Why? Because I’m such an amazing driver and respectful human? Not always! Sometimes I’m an absolute terrible driver. And sometimes I’m a jerk to the officer because I’m irritated he pulled me over. I have never had a gun pulled on me because I am white. I look non-threatening because I am a white female.

I want you to stop what you’re doing and just think. Think about that time you drove home drunk. Think about that time you were an asshole to the cop. Think about the time you saw the cop car and cut down a street hoping they wouldn’t pull you over. Think about any youthful decision you made involving the law. Aren’t you glad it didn’t end with being shot? Aren’t you so thankful that you feel so safe in life, that even breaking the law doesn’t make you fear death?

Now, think about that time you were completely compliant. Did you reach in your purse for you license? Your glove compartment for your registration? When you were pulled over for speeding, did you feel the need to show your hands until the officer got to the window? Did you feel that your life was in danger if you moved at all?

What many of you think, is that #blacklivesmatter is about letting people get away with breaking the law. People honestly think that the reason these lives are lost is because they must be doing something suspicious or wrong. But here’s the thing, if a black person gets pulled over and is an asshole to the cop, they should get the same consequences as me. A stern lecture and a citation. Because our officers do deserve respect and I was breaking the law. They do not deserve a bullet in the back.

#Blacklivesmatter. People should be allowed to walk suspiciously, wear hoodies, have their cars break down, get pulled over for traffic violations, and even talk back and be assholes, without the threat of dying.

All I’m asking is for others out there to try to comprehend what that must be like. What it feels like to be at a store and feel that all eyes are watching you constantly. To not be able to be oblivious to your surroundings. What it must feel like to have a constant anxiety in your stomach that someone thinks you’re up to something. Purely based on how you look.

I do not think that the officers are making it up. I do feel that they think they are threatened. But why do they feel that way? This is what #blacklivesmatter is about. Changing people’s first response. We need to ask ourselves why these officers feel that their life is in danger when they see somebody with dark skin. We CANNOT change this until we chose to see it.

Last thing. I know so many that have preached loudly against #blacklivesmatter. You have you already taken the “racism doesn’t exist” or “I’m colorblind” or the “They deserve it. Maybe if they didn’t break the law” stance. Maybe just now you have realized you were wrong, it’s ok. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to tell the world that you had a realization and see how blatant the inequality is. I will never, ever, belittle or demean somebody for changing their stance on something if it means lives will be saved. Let go of your pride, help save lives.

I wasn’t shot, and they shouldn’t be either.

It Actually is About Race.

I do not get the paper. I do not have TV. I would say the majority of my news comes from social media. Mostly Facebook. So, after a week of having my new phone, I decided to go through the tedious process of trying to remember, then forgetting, then resetting, my passwords. FB, was taken care of immediately, of course, so the last week has been a “if it’s not on Facebook, I probably didn’t know.” situation. Judge if you must. My life is busy.

So, last night, I keep seeing these statues my a friend of mine. All race related. At first, my response (in my head) was, “quit bringing race into it. That’s why racism still exists. Because people keep perpetuating it by villainizing or victimizing themselves or others.” ….we’ve all said or thought some form of this at some point.

See, I was raised around all sorts. Different colors, cultures, family styles, religions, etc. To ME it never seemed an issue. Color was just a description. He’s black, I’m skinny, they’re young…it was just to give a visual. Connotation with any certain race was only for comedic reasons. (Stereotypes are fun for comedy. Easy material. Haha) You make the skinny blonde girl ditzy and vapid, I will laugh. Not be offended. It’s funny.

Then I read: “It’s not a black problem, it’s a people problem.” Translated “Your feelings of oppression are invalid if they don’t include white people.”

Pause…process…oppression? In 2014? Seems a bit melodramatic. Do blacks really feel oppressed? I’ve never oppressed or would I ever stand for it if I was exposed to it. Hm.

“Consider, that a white felon has almost a 10% better chance at gaining employment then a similarly qualified black person with no criminal history whatsoever. ”

Then, like a train, it hit me. I am ostrich. My head in the sand. It’s the every day that has been wearing on an entire culture. Going to the store. Getting gas. Taking a walk. All the “nothings” that make up our day. How would that feel to be on edge every time you walked into a new place? To feel the eyes watching, or to feel like you did something wrong purely just by existing. I have been judged wrongly and had ppl make assumptions about me. Does it happen DAILY? Has it been a constant repetitive occurrence though out my entire life? No! I am a skinny white girl from Michigan. The closest situation I could relate it to myself was living in Oklahoma. Being called a “damn yankee” or being told to “go back to the north where I belong.” And even that was mildly fixed by just not speaking, adding some “y’alls”, learning to 2-step, and making sure my clothes were never fancier than jeans and a shirt. How would it have felt if I COULDN’T fake it? You can’t take your skin off. You just are as you were born.

So, I finally decide to log into twitter. (After many failed attempts, I figure out which email and password). And it is flooded with tweets and retweets of some city. I see tear gas. I see military dressed officers. I see crowds of blacks with their hands raised. What the Fuck is going on??? And why is this the first I’ve heard of this?? It made me sick to my stomach. I couldnt pull myself away. Tweet after tweet of this town being terrorized by these officers. An boy was shot. This was a peaceful town. These people were unarmed and peaceful. Why is this being treated like a warzone???

How the hell is this going on in the United States? Wake up everyone. See this. Understand how completely horrible, yet possible this is. How do you feel, knowing we live in a place where this happens?? You’re not racist? Then why are you turning a blind eye? Pretend it’s not there. Carry on with your day. That’s what we’re taught to do. You want to know why you can turn away? Because there is not a stigma attached to the color of your skin. My little sister is 9. She is black. My heart breaks with this realization that I was so oblivious to this. I REFUSE to let her grow up in a country that does not see how incredibly amazing she is. I will not stand for her being passed up for a job, or immediately distrusted. Why is she burdened with having to work twice as hard, to even be considered equal? We will take this head on. Because she deserves the same chances I was given. I have no idea how one would even begin to take on changing an entire societies view on a specific group. But I believe that realizing, admitting, and having some compassion and understanding is a step toward it.