Tag: work

We don’t talk about money. Be poor privately please.

Why are the poor poor? Not how did they become poor, but why are they still poor. Have you ever ask yourself that? If you are, or have been, you know why.

Based on the posts I see on social media, the reason is, because that person is either: lazy, entitled, or makes poor choices. Are there lazy and entitled people? Sure there are. But I guarantee 99% of poor people work 10 times as hard as a financially stable person. Their life depends on it. And there are a lot of people that make poor choices, I being one of them. But unless your poor choice is gambling away your family savings or working for the mob, most poor people’s bad choices are buying a pair of jeans or going out for drinks. Not quite what I would consider worthy of a lifetime struggle to provide for your family.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I’m a poor person trying very hard to obtain what others tell me I could get if I just worked harder. I’m trying reach that goal you told me I’m not entitled to, that I have to work for. What is that goal? To have a place to live of my own and to be able to feed my children and pay my bills without worry or anxiety.

I receive SNAP. Because I’m below the poverty line. Does that make you uncomfortable? If you don’t know me I’m sure it doesn’t. If you know me personally I’m sure you feel quite uncomfortable knowing that about me. I once had a family member harass me on a Facebook post. He was convinced that the reason I am struggling HAS TO BE because I deserve it. I’m an entitled millennial who wants everything handed to me. I deleted him off my Facebook and had myself a good cry. Where has he been the last 10 years? I am not a quiet person. I do not bottle things inside. I am very honest and open about the good and the bad in my life. Why is my struggle making him so angry? It’s my struggle. I’m not angry. I love sharing my struggle so that others can know and feel hopeful. He was legitimately angry. Zero compassion.

Then someone said something to me that put it in perspective. “Of course he is angry. And of course he is blaming you. Because if he admits you’ve done everything you were supposed to and you are a good person, and are still suffering, then he would have to also admit that he stood by as you suffered for years and never offered you a hand of help.”

Holy crap. I used to always wonder why we didn’t talk about money. From a young age it was instilled in me that you never ask how much someone makes. And you don’t talk about how much you make. I remember asking, why we can’t talk about it. I was told it was because people that don’t make as much might get jealous and angry. It was to protect those who deserve their income from people who didn’t deserve it and wanted it.

Poor people don’t care if you know how much they make. I’ve had perfect strangers mention how much their check was in casual conversation. Poor people are not uncomfortable with talking about money. Whatevs. I’m broke but I needed some Chipotle. See, every single thing we do revolves around money. Like, if I buy the good toilet paper, will I have the gas to get my kids to school? Which bill can I be late on so I can replace my kids ripped school pants? We’re not handling our money with our sights set on vacation spots or the best investments. We’re trying to find a way to make sure we don’t have to eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal for dinner for the next week.

You know what would save me a lot of money? Being able to buy a house. My entire life has been at a standstill for the last year because the house I live in is unlivable. If I move my rent will be double to triple what it is now. It is not possible.

Poor people can’t buy houses. Not because they can’t afford them. Because the system is set up in a way to keep them poor.

I do not have a great credit score. To even have a chance at obtaining a mortgage I need 10% down. So let’s say I work for that goal. The houses in my area that I would be ideal for my family are about $150,000. But I don’t need ideal. I’m sure if I looked around and waited I could find something that makes do for about $100,000. So I need $10,000 to buy a house. With my current income I know I could save $100 a month. So that means in 8 years I could buy a house. If I lived extra poor I could probably save $200 a month. Then I could buy a house in 4 years. Do you see the problem? That means I still have to live in this shithole house with my four children until they are raised.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I can save $500 a month. That’s only a year and a half. Buuuuuut. I receive Food Stamps. About $500 a month. And the second my assets exceed $2,250, I do not qualify anymore. So 5 months in, I wouldn’t be able to afford to save anymore. (2 years into my 8, 1 year onto my 4).

Why are the poor poor? Because unless someone steps in and knocks down the societal hurdles, we don’t have a choice. Why do poor people buy lottery tickets? Because there’s a better chance of winning the money to help pull them out of poverty than there is to do it by hard work. Why do the poor buy cups of coffee and get tattoos instead of saving? Because what’s the point? Do you have any idea how helpless that feeling is? Then you feel guilty and ashamed when judgmental eyes look at your $50 tattoo and tell you that THAT is the reason you and your children deserve to suffer. You feel like you need to justify the $10 Goodwill Coach purse you carry because others see it and believe you’re exaggerating your circumstance. You’re either lying, or deserve it.

The rich want to believe that the poor are poor because they deserve it. Because if they acknowledged what it really is, they also have to admit that they’re okay with thriving while others are unfairly suffering. And that makes them uncomfortable. So it’s easier to just blame.

I am poor. My kids play sports, go to a private school, have new clothes and shoes at the beginning of the school year, and none of it was provided by me. Because I have people in my life that saw the value of my children and said, “I want to help”. My eyes swell up with tears when I think about what I would do if I didn’t have kind people in my life. Because I know you’re out there. All you that are suffering without a support system. I want to help you so bad. I want somebody to help you. I feel your pain, I feel your anxiety. I am so sorry we live in a country where you are demonized and told you deserve to suffer. You do not deserve to suffer. Your kids do not deserve to suffer. You deserve so mich better than this.

Why are the poor poor? If you are not poor, you need to be okay with being uncomfortable and do something. You need to stop blaming and start asking how you can help. Perpetual poverty happens when you can’t afford the necessities. Do you feel the Necessities in life a privilege or a right? Do you believe that someone’s financial circumstance equates their worth? Your complacency is hurting people.

Seriously, it doesn’t have to be serious.

Today I read 4th graders the story of Rigoberta Menchú Tum. If you don’t know who she is, she is a Guatemalan woman, born in 1959, who fought for the indigenous people during their civil war. Her life was full of loss and hardship. She started working, (coffee beans) at the age of 8 with her parents. Her brother died of malnutrition. Her father died in an embassy that was bombed, and her mother was kidnapped and killed.

Heavy stuff for 4th graders. After we discussed her story, I told the kids, “It’s hard for us to imagine this. We have certain laws to protect us. Child labor laws. Minimum wage. Etc. We know if we go to work for a certain amount, that’s how much we’re going to be paid.”

Now that these kids heads are clicking along, comes the final writing. I said, “Imagine you’re babysitting. You make a certain amount. It seems fair for the work it takes to babysit. Then, you find out a friend of yours is also babysitting, but they make $2.00 an hour more than you. Who do you feel? What are you going to do about this?”

Blank stares. “What if we don’t care?”

This was a tough one. Usually our writing is fun, no limit, fantasy. What if you don’t care? Why don’t you care? Should a wage gap bother you? If it does, why is it so hard to approach your employer about a raise? Are you mad at the friend, or the employer? Why?

Man oh man. I was curious about what these kids were going to say. I always anticipate they’re writings. Kids, a lot of times, write what they think is the “right answer”. So I assumed that I would get a lot of “I would tell the people I was babysitting for I am raising my price.” Or “I wouldn’t say anything because what I made was fine.” Or “I would find a different job.” Kids tend to be predictable…..or so I thought.

I had a few students share. (I am paraphrasing here) “I just found out my friend makes more than me. I am going to sabotage her. I will go over while she’s babysitting and clog the toilet. Then, I will give the kids a bunch of sugar so they’re hyper. Then, I will trash the house.” Well. That’s not what I was expecting to hear. “I just found out my friend makes more than me. And it’s not fair. I am way better than he is at babysitting. So I will destroy his job. First, I will find a ninja suit to wear….”

I just laughed as these kids giggled through reading their stories. It was obvious by how their stories played out, they didn’t really feel this was the best course of action, but they decided to go with it.

“Yes, and…” I try to keep this mindset while teaching. So how the frick do I support these writings while at the same time reaffirm the class that we do not condone sabotage?  I mean, these thoughts are honest. Who doesn’t immediately think of the extreme when they feel wronged? Even Rigoberta felt like burning down the plantation when her parents were wronged. But she didn’t.

Ah. There it is. She didn’t. I have had visions of flipping tables at jobs I didn’t like. But I never have. I have had clients that were so incredibly rude and difficult, I imagine grabbing their hair and cutting a chunk right out of it. But I have never done that. Impulse control. Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.

So here are these 4th graders. A little bummed out to find out their writing doesn’t get to be about mythical creatures, or superheroes, or any of that fun stuff. Yet, they found a way.

This has made me happy all day. We lose so much as we grow when it comes to creativity and imagination. Or, we find an “all or nothing” approach to fantasy. There doesn’t have to be goblins or dragons to make our stories exciting. Our own minds can come up with these outrageous responses naturally. We, of course, dismiss them as actual possible actions, but they’re there.

What makes a story? Conflict and resolution. But what makes a story great? Plot twists. Unpredictable characters. These kids get it. They spiced up a potentially boring writing by simply choosing to imagine themselves without the trained impulse control. And it was splendid.