Some people are more equal than others.

Ideas are like seeds being planted in your mind. We don’t always have control of the seeds that are throw to us, but we do have control of the soil. In this way, we get to decide how our garden will grow. Manicured and simple. Full of poison and thorns. Wild and unknown. A labyrinth. Filled with food. We decide based on what we pull out and what we nurture. How much effort we’re willing to put in and the people we put ourselves around, who are throwing seeds. How acidic the soil is, and what trees we have growing from the past. Try as you might, the soil below a large pine will not allow you to grow certain plants below it.

A couple weeks ago I saw a post on Facebook. My Facebook is pretty diverse when it comes to religion, politics, and life choices. So very often I see things I don’t agree with. So that was no surprise. What has surprised me is how much I keep thinking about it. See, I have been spending a lot of time lately pulling weeds. Uprooting trees. I have been working on my soil to help things grow. That seed that was planted? That seed has been thrown on my soil before. But it dried up. So when I saw it thrown my direction again, I anticipated the same result. But my soil isn’t the same. My soil is rich with nutrients. And that seed took root and is growing. So now I’m forced to acknowledge this plant growing. I have to decide whether to pull it up or water it.

“We must do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living….” Buckminster Fuller

The post I read was the full quote. But within the first sentence I knew I disagreed. I’m a hard worker, and I was raised to take pride in my work. You don’t work you don’t eat. The story of The Ant and the Grasshopper made a brief appearance in my mind. You cannot live your life playing and then expect those working to support you. Teaching a man to fish verses giving him a fish.

“We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery. Because, according to Malthusian-Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist.”

Justify his right to exist? I wouldn’t go that far. And we may invent some jobs, but I would say we Americans spend more time creating more “all ready invented” jobs. During our last election this was a huge thing. With the worry of unemployment and layoffs, I heard a LOT of people talking about job creation. There aren’t enough jobs and people need to work to support their families.

I also thought about work ethic. Working a less-than-desirable job definitely gives you appreciation for hard work and a lot of humility. If people didn’t work, how would they experience the struggle that has helped me form into who I am? What do they say about Idle Hands?

Then I started thinking about if I had my necessities met. Just my necessities. A place to live, food to eat, heating/cooling and electric, and health care for my children and me. What would I be doing? I would be home with my kids. I would be homeschooling them. I would have a chore chart. I would be maintaining a garden and teaching my kids with hands on lessons of cooking and animals and science experiments. I would still be working, but not as much. And the money I made from work would be invested in my kids, our home, and myself. The money would be used for house repairs, a vehicle, internet access, and travel. I would take another trip to do humanitarian work. I would take art classes. I would do more with theatre. I would read more. I would learn a language with my kids (they have been begging for us to all learn German as a family). I would help my kids learn what they love. What their gifts are. What their passion is.

Quick detour. Have you ever met someone and thought, how are you so successful? Like, they really have nothing to offer. Mediocre intelligence. Very limited world view. No talent. And yet, they are making over 10X what you make. I remember one guy in particular. He was always so impressed by how smart I seemed “considering I don’t have a degree.” He would tell me, “If you went to college, you could be way more successful. You have so much potential! It’s sad you’re working at a coffee shop when you could probably do my job better than me, ha!”

We all have different goals. My goal is not wealth. Rags to Riches stories, while interesting, don’t motivate me. While I appreciate my material things, they are disposable. I asked myself, if I had my needs met, what would be something I would work extra for in order to obtain? Travel. Art. Learning new things. Humanitarian work.

What if our needs were met. Just the basic ones. We would still have those who wanted to be rich. We would still have those who were lazy. We would still have to work. The difference is, we would be allowed to decide. If you wanted a huge house and lots if things, you could choose to work more. If you decide you would rather live modestly so you could be home with your kids, you could do that. But what about the freeloaders who wont work? Well. If they want that kind of poor, meaningless life, so be it. What does it matter to you? I mean, I’m not talking steak dinners and mansions. Food in the cupboard, a warm house, and freedom from/treatment for disease just means the rest of society is protected.

What would happen if those with actual talent could explore it? What would happen if all that “potential” could be met? What would happen if someone’s intelligence outweighed someone’s financial circumstance?

What would happen? We would thrive. Good parents would still instill work ethic in their children. Bad parents would still neglect it. Caring people would still want to help others. Selfish people would still take all they can get. The difference is, we would all have a choice. Ask a poor person if they have a choice right now. Ask them how many jobs they work and what they have to sacrifice so their kids don’t starve. Ask them about how expensive it is to be poor.

I am not against capitalism. I want our inventors to invent. I want our artists to create. I want every person to be able to listen to that gift they have and embrace it. We are all given certain passions inside of us. Animals. Children. Writing. Botany. Technology. Music. Cars. Every single person has something that pumps them up for life.

“The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before someone came along and told them they had to earn a living.”

How different things would be if we ran our Healthcare System and education system like a non-profit. If no one could get rich off the sick. If the poor had the same educational opportunities as the rich without having to join the military. If every family knew they had a house, electric, and food.

I can’t count the amount of times in my life I have said, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. Then, when the time came in my life that I needed to practice what I preached, I reach down for my boot straps only to find that someone found a way to make money off boot straps and had hiked the price up to make money off of my struggle.

We have been taught that the poor deserve their lot in life. And that the rich deserve their wealth. Why? Because admitting that the poor don’t have a choice and that we’re allowing others to profit off their suffering is a hard pill to swallow. We have to admit that while we say all are equal, we have been conditioned to feel superior to the poor. We have been told our stability is earned by hard work and therefore the poor must be lazy. If we acknowledge how much of an advantage having our basic needs met makes, then we are faced a choice. Continue to treat the poor as inferior, or work for change and equality. The seeds have been planted. You decide if you will let them grow.

Four Quarters vs A Dollar 

Today, I want to talk about sex. And feminism. I know. Sounds exciting, eh? Oh it will be, my friends. So join me on this enlightening experience. 

I am currently not having sex. Obviously not right this second, but also in general. I haven’t had sex in over a year. Personal choice. I’m happy. End of story. 

Did you guys know that even as a single woman, my choice to not “do the dirty” was not my choice to make? I did not know this. I have had to explain, justify, downplay, joke about, and even lie about my OWN sex life to appease random men who approach me about getting frisky. Since I am not allowed to have my sexual desires remain private due to some unwritten rule that any man is allowed to push the subject, I am just going to write a blog about it. 

Jumping to feminism real quick. Just so you can see where my mind is going with all this. 

I have always explained feminism as 4 quarters vs a dollar. They are completely equal in worth. You can buy the exact same amount of goods with both. BUT. They are made of completely different materials. Woman and men are different. Our hormones are different. Our bodies are different. Even the way we think is different. But we are completely equal. That being said, you HAVE to have a respect for how the person is made and how that affects their day to day life. I mean, for fricks sake. I am wearing a bra that is 2 sizes too small because I refuse to spend $50 on a bra I will only wear for a couple more months. Do you know that pain dudes? Do you realize there are shirts I won’t wear in case I have a nip-slip?  No you don’t. Your underwear comes in a multi pack for under $10. Does me not having a bra that properly fits cause my worth to go down? Nope. Even a wrinkled dollar has the same value.

Back to the sex part. 

Disclaimer: I have most definitely had flirtatious messages with men where their comments are encouraged and welcomed. I am not talking about those consensual conversations. I’m talking about the unsolicited ones.

Men. Do you have any idea the level of irritation woman face with you attempted sexual advances? Guess what. I don’t have to give you a reason. Maybe I just don’t want to. Maybe I’m not attracted to you. Maybe I’m on my period. Or have a yeast infection. Or maybe I don’t want to shave my legs. (Ew gross. You mean woman are people with bodies that aren’t always “sex ready”?) Quit pushing. No means no. You being a man does not entitle you to any explanation at all. We’re equal, right? So ask yourself. Do you ever feel you HAVE to explain your sexual choices to random people? I don’t mean do you feel comfortable with discussing it. I am actually quite comfortable discussing sex. I’m asking do you ever feel that you don’t have a choice. Do you ever feel the person won’t back off until you answer. It’s bullshit. 

Now. As most woman know, I can say all day long, “I don’t owe you any explanation”. But men can be relentless. So most times we do give a reason. I used to just make something up. “I have a boyfriend” is the most common. Because for some reason, these guys have more respect for an imaginary man and his ownership over me than they do for me as a woman. 

Today a man messaged me. I almost didn’t bring it up in this post. In case he read my blog and knew I was talking about him. Then, like an out-of-body experience, I realized. Eff that guy. Why are we woman conditioned in such a way, that this man’s fragile ego just about censored what I was going to write? I told him. Repeatedly. I am not having sex. Every conversation was turned to sex. Working out? Sex. Going dancing? Sex. Doing improv? Sex. I finally just told him again, I have no intention of having sex. The last time I “hooked up” with someone, I ended up pregnant. It was traumatic and life changing. It’s not going to happen. His response? We could use a condom. And a comment on how big my boobs must be since I’m nursing. 

I hear men say all the time: I wouldn’t care if a woman talk to me that way. I would rather woman be upfront like that. If I didn’t want it I would just say no. I don’t see what the big deal is. Women are overreacting, if somebody said something like that to me I would just brush it off.

A man just prioritized a sexual want he had for me over a life-changing experience I had. Pause. Let that sink in. I just expressed a life-changing occurrence to somebody and he still felt that his desire to have sex was more important.

Why is this socially acceptable? I feel like, since woman have this possible outcome from intercourse, men would be more like, “Oh shit. I hear ya on that. No problem. Do you want to go for a bike ride instead? Or to the theatre? Or really anything that doesn’t have a long term consequence like a child? Good looking out lady.”

I feel like women everywhere or banging their heads against a wall. It’s really not that hard of a concept. We are not your sexual objects. We deserve the same respect you would give any man. The equal does not mean the same. Meaning, we make choices based on having a vagina and uterus. Does that make you uncomfortable? Do you think it’s unfair? You’ll be okay. Believe me. Women have been having to adjust what works for them to be in a man’s world since the beginning of time. Half the population does not have a penis. Just because you don’t have to watch your drinks at a party, or worry about being raped in an alleyway, or have a fear that telling a man no will result in physical retaliation, doesn’t mean those things don’t exist. I feel like I speak for all women when I say I am so tired of having to deal with the fragility of the male ego. 

I was not put on this earth for a man. My purpose in life is not to fulfill some man’s purpose. My purpose in life is to live MY LIFE to it’s fullest. Woman can, in fact, just be single. Our ultimate goal does not have to be to find a man. I know. I know. What the hell will I talk to my girlfriends about? Or daydream about?  Aren’t men ALWAYS the topic of conversation? 

Equality does not mean us women have to become men. Let me say that again. Equality does not mean I have to become a man. Equality means I should be able to function daily as a woman without feeling I owe a man anything. Equality means you men need to acknowledge the fact that we are different and with that, comes different needs that must be met. We’ve all heard the quote, “When you are privileged, equality feels a lot like oppression”. It’s going to be uncomfortable for you guys to change. But guess what. It has been uncomfortable for us women. Next time you’re rejected, just drop it. Then, think to yourself how awesome that must be for the girl. That you going through a few moments of rejection, just reaffirmed in her that her voice matters. That no means no. That she deserves respect. Don’t worry. It will get easier with time and practice. 

We’re not asking for free soft drinks. We’re simply saying that the vending machine should be functional for both dollars and coins.