Beggars can’t be…at Gymnastics 

I am poor. I just spent a ridiculous amount of time looking up Michigan’s average costs for bills. It has been confirmed. Poor. I know, we’re not supposed to talk about money. But today, my financial state was brought to light in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know. It embarrassed me, so I decided to blog about it.  

I know what you’re thinking. “Duh, Beth. You’re a single mother of 4. Of course money is tight.” No. Money isnt tight. Money isnt there. See, I learned something today as I sat there looking at numbers and averages. My income allows for no extras. At all. Zero. Zilch. 

I have said no to almost everything for over 7 years now. No internet. No TV. No extracurricular activities for the kids. No vacations. I have done this with the belief that if I work hard, if I keep sacrificing, I will get ahead. I will be able to give my kids a house, a car with A/C, a garden, sports equipment, etc. Maybe not a vacation, but at least a full fridge. Maybe not college tuition, but new shoes. I have a more realistic goal now: I want to choose to say no, not be forced to. 

It is impossible to obtain this dream with one income. I did the math. My income will never allow for a yes. I have to turn to others for help. There is a family that loves us and has decided to give my kids some of those things I cannot. They pay for guitar, gymnastics, or whatever, so my kids can have some memories of joy. So they can do those things other kids get to do. 

My 7 year old is in gymnastics and loves it. Today was her long awaited recital. She has been talking about it for WEEKS. I rushed her in, pulled her hair into a ponytail, sent her to her group and turned to the desk. Shit. This was not a free event. 

“Oh. I didn’t realize I had to buy tickets….How much are they?” I asked as the panic set in. 

“$12.00”,  the lady behind the desk said. 

“Oh. That’s a lot…I can’t afford that. I have 2 more kids coming in too. I…I didn’t bring any cash.” I said, trying to salvage my pride. 

“We can just add it to your account if you’d like. It will come out in your next payment.”

“I can’t do that. I don’t pay. My friend. I have a friend that pays for me. For her I mean. I mean. I just. I have 4 kids. I’m a single mother of 4…I can’t afford it. I didn’t know it cost anything to watch her. We can just wait for her here in the lobby.”

“Let me check when she goes on….it looks like she’s in the 4th group. You won’t have to wait for too long.”

I choked back tears as my older 2 children walked in. I told them that I didn’t have enough money. I told them to take my phone into the car with them. That they could watch videos while I waited for her to finish. They left and the tears started. I walked to the corner and pretended to look at the leotards hung on the wall while holding my 1 year old. I was so embarrassed. I felt like a failure. My poor daughter. She would be looking for me. She wouldn’t see me. Her heart would be broken. 

After 10 minutes of shame, the lady at the desk said, “I guess I can allow you to go in without paying.” She made it very clear she was doing me a favor.

I said thank you and rushed in, just as my step mom was coming out to find me. I told her what had happened, and couldn’t control the crack in my voice. I told her, I couldn’t afford it and they embarrassed me, but eventually let me in. I told her I was angry it cost money to see my daughter’s recital, and I was mad at myself for missing it on the note. Then, I smiled at my son, and pointed to the balloons he was reaching for. *breathe*

I did the math. I’m poor. I didn’t need to do math to know that. The lady at the desk let me stew in my poverty for 10 minutes. I am poor. I had to ask my step mom if she knew if the ice cream from announcement was free for the gymnasts, or if it was just them advertising it. Because I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t wait in line with my daughter, only to find out I didn’t have enough money for it. I am poor. I was made very away of my financial situation. But I still did the math. 

I divided a household budget into 3 parts. You’re Poor, You’re Maintaining, and You’ve Made It. 

YP: Rent, utilities (electric, gas, water, sewer, trash), cell phone, food, and car maintenance (gas, oil change, registration, insurance) $2,870

YM: YP stuff, Heathcare/medical, internet, TV, pets, clothes, entertainment, car payment, Christmas. $4,570 

YMI: YP stuff, YM stuff, life insurance, family vacation, retirement. $5,500+

A single parent needs to make over $22 an hour to be able to be considered poor. They would need to make $35 per hour to maintain a comfortable life. And to actually make it in life? $43 per hour. 

This does not count daycare. This doesn’t count sports. It doesn’t count field trips. It doesn’t count life changes, like a death or pregnancy. It doesn’t count your car breaking down. It doesn’t count winter gear for kids. Or back to school supplies. It doesn’t count saving to buy a house. It doesn’t could student loans. It doesn’t count overdrafts. It leaves no room for any change or mistake. 

I make much less than $2870 a month. But, I found a place for cheaper than the average rent and I don’t buy as many groceries. Also, I neglect my car maintenance. I am so far away from the YM group, it’s laughable. I will not own my own house. I will not be able to afford the internet or TV. I will never be able to take my kids in a family vacation or save for my retirement. This is my life. This is my reality. 

We’re not supposed to talk about money. But today, I was made to feel like dirt. Today, I was reminded that poor kids don’t get to have their mothers with them. Today I was reminded that no matter how strong I feel, no matter how much I love my kids, I will not be able to give them the life I want to give. Today I was reminded, that money is power, and that not having $12 made me powerless. 

I do not want your pity. I do not want you to treat me as a victim. I maintain that i am a strong mother who loves her kids and will do anything for them. What I want is understanding and awareness. If you are at the desk at an event, and a single parent can’t go in because of $12, let them in the effing event. And you are not morally obligated to make sure they know they are an inconvenience to you. Trust me. They know. They are ashamed. They feel the eyes watching them. They don’t need your help. They are embarrassed. They will cry to themselves about it later. So please, just be kind. Me watching my daughter didn’t cost them anything. They lost nothing by letting me in. But the way I was treated ruined my entire day. It showed my daughter’s that their mother was at the mercy of a lady behind a computer. And it made the pit in my stomach, the one I had almost completely removed, come back. 

So now, I will put on a movie, make some popcorn, sit with my kids, and enjoy my night. Even if I am poor.