Why are the poor poor? Not how did they become poor, but why are they still poor. Have you ever ask yourself that? If you are, or have been, you know why.
Based on the posts I see on social media, the reason is, because that person is either: lazy, entitled, or makes poor choices. Are there lazy and entitled people? Sure there are. But I guarantee 99% of poor people work 10 times as hard as a financially stable person. Their life depends on it. And there are a lot of people that make poor choices, I being one of them. But unless your poor choice is gambling away your family savings or working for the mob, most poor people’s bad choices are buying a pair of jeans or going out for drinks. Not quite what I would consider worthy of a lifetime struggle to provide for your family.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I’m a poor person trying very hard to obtain what others tell me I could get if I just worked harder. I’m trying reach that goal you told me I’m not entitled to, that I have to work for. What is that goal? To have a place to live of my own and to be able to feed my children and pay my bills without worry or anxiety.
I receive SNAP. Because I’m below the poverty line. Does that make you uncomfortable? If you don’t know me I’m sure it doesn’t. If you know me personally I’m sure you feel quite uncomfortable knowing that about me. I once had a family member harass me on a Facebook post. He was convinced that the reason I am struggling HAS TO BE because I deserve it. I’m an entitled millennial who wants everything handed to me. I deleted him off my Facebook and had myself a good cry. Where has he been the last 10 years? I am not a quiet person. I do not bottle things inside. I am very honest and open about the good and the bad in my life. Why is my struggle making him so angry? It’s my struggle. I’m not angry. I love sharing my struggle so that others can know and feel hopeful. He was legitimately angry. Zero compassion.
Then someone said something to me that put it in perspective. “Of course he is angry. And of course he is blaming you. Because if he admits you’ve done everything you were supposed to and you are a good person, and are still suffering, then he would have to also admit that he stood by as you suffered for years and never offered you a hand of help.”
Holy crap. I used to always wonder why we didn’t talk about money. From a young age it was instilled in me that you never ask how much someone makes. And you don’t talk about how much you make. I remember asking, why we can’t talk about it. I was told it was because people that don’t make as much might get jealous and angry. It was to protect those who deserve their income from people who didn’t deserve it and wanted it.
Poor people don’t care if you know how much they make. I’ve had perfect strangers mention how much their check was in casual conversation. Poor people are not uncomfortable with talking about money. Whatevs. I’m broke but I needed some Chipotle. See, every single thing we do revolves around money. Like, if I buy the good toilet paper, will I have the gas to get my kids to school? Which bill can I be late on so I can replace my kids ripped school pants? We’re not handling our money with our sights set on vacation spots or the best investments. We’re trying to find a way to make sure we don’t have to eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal for dinner for the next week.
You know what would save me a lot of money? Being able to buy a house. My entire life has been at a standstill for the last year because the house I live in is unlivable. If I move my rent will be double to triple what it is now. It is not possible.
Poor people can’t buy houses. Not because they can’t afford them. Because the system is set up in a way to keep them poor.
I do not have a great credit score. To even have a chance at obtaining a mortgage I need 10% down. So let’s say I work for that goal. The houses in my area that I would be ideal for my family are about $150,000. But I don’t need ideal. I’m sure if I looked around and waited I could find something that makes do for about $100,000. So I need $10,000 to buy a house. With my current income I know I could save $100 a month. So that means in 8 years I could buy a house. If I lived extra poor I could probably save $200 a month. Then I could buy a house in 4 years. Do you see the problem? That means I still have to live in this shithole house with my four children until they are raised.
Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I can save $500 a month. That’s only a year and a half. Buuuuuut. I receive Food Stamps. About $500 a month. And the second my assets exceed $2,250, I do not qualify anymore. So 5 months in, I wouldn’t be able to afford to save anymore. (2 years into my 8, 1 year onto my 4).
Why are the poor poor? Because unless someone steps in and knocks down the societal hurdles, we don’t have a choice. Why do poor people buy lottery tickets? Because there’s a better chance of winning the money to help pull them out of poverty than there is to do it by hard work. Why do the poor buy cups of coffee and get tattoos instead of saving? Because what’s the point? Do you have any idea how helpless that feeling is? Then you feel guilty and ashamed when judgmental eyes look at your $50 tattoo and tell you that THAT is the reason you and your children deserve to suffer. You feel like you need to justify the $10 Goodwill Coach purse you carry because others see it and believe you’re exaggerating your circumstance. You’re either lying, or deserve it.
The rich want to believe that the poor are poor because they deserve it. Because if they acknowledged what it really is, they also have to admit that they’re okay with thriving while others are unfairly suffering. And that makes them uncomfortable. So it’s easier to just blame.
I am poor. My kids play sports, go to a private school, have new clothes and shoes at the beginning of the school year, and none of it was provided by me. Because I have people in my life that saw the value of my children and said, “I want to help”. My eyes swell up with tears when I think about what I would do if I didn’t have kind people in my life. Because I know you’re out there. All you that are suffering without a support system. I want to help you so bad. I want somebody to help you. I feel your pain, I feel your anxiety. I am so sorry we live in a country where you are demonized and told you deserve to suffer. You do not deserve to suffer. Your kids do not deserve to suffer. You deserve so mich better than this.
Why are the poor poor? If you are not poor, you need to be okay with being uncomfortable and do something. You need to stop blaming and start asking how you can help. Perpetual poverty happens when you can’t afford the necessities. Do you feel the Necessities in life a privilege or a right? Do you believe that someone’s financial circumstance equates their worth? Your complacency is hurting people.
thatbethy 
It never ceases to amaze me how thoughtless people can be! I’m sure the family member that said all those things to you thinks that they got ahead by hard work alone. Hard work is part of it, but a HUGE part of it is luck, time, and circumstance.
When my husband and I got married 14 years ago, everything we had in the whole world fit in our S10 and we had $2000 to drive across the country from Oregon to Ohio, find jobs, and find an apartment… and you know, eat and stuff. We started with nothing and have had nothing for many years. (I joke that if I had kids, I’d just be more poor!)
We are JUST NOW starting to see the light and make necessary repairs on our house because we lucked out with 2 cars that haven’t died or needed insane repairs and are paid off as of this month. (We’ve had 3 engines die in various cars over the last 6 years!) We are JUST NOW seeing the light because for the moment, all of our medical debts are paid off and neither of us has had an injury or health scare. We are JUST NOW seeing the light because my brother-in-law helped my husband to get a job where he has good benefits and makes a living wage and I had a friend help me get into a major corporation where I have good benefits and make a living wage.
Did we not work for the first 13 years of our marriage? HELL YES we did. It put a huge strain on our marriage taking any and every job we could find, sometimes opposite shifts. I went to school hoping to better our situation. We worked multiple jobs. Hoping to save on rent, we got our house right before the market crashed – back when you didn’t need any money down and they were giving them away. (Now we are upside down on our mortgage, but I’m just grateful to have a place to live for under $800/month.) But, being poor is exhausting. We went many weeks eating PB&J and cereal. So yeah, you do say “screw it” sometimes and go out to dinner and a movie, because if you don’t do something fun and nice once in a while, you feel like throwing in the towel completely.
We are hoping (fingers crossed) to take our first real vacation for our 15th anniversary and both go overseas for the first time in our lives. But, that could change if something breaks or happens. It all could change, despite our best efforts. I pity people who haven’t been through it and don’t understand that even though we did work really hard to get where we are now, we weren’t by any means alone. If my BIL hadn’t helped my husband get a job, he’d still be making crap wages. If my friend hadn’t helped me get this job, I’d still be making crap wages. If my parents hadn’t helped us with a couple hundred bucks here and there, we wouldn’t have made bills on time. So we definitely didn’t do it alone. Not to mention, in my circumstance it’s a “WE” and not just a “ME.” So, I challenge that family member to raise 4 kids on what you make on their own… I’m sure it would be a wake-up call.
TL;DR – I’ve been there. I’m doing better now, but I get that it could change at any second. I’m glad you have help and I hope you can get a break!
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